what i really want to do right now is rant about twilight.
but i think i've done enough of that today already. plus i'm not sure if the book could survive if i through it on the floor again.
(just kidding... it is a library book.)
or i could spend this entry talking about how great the dark knight was. but i'm sure that everyone who's going to think that it's great has seen it already.
and i'm not going to worry about school starting next month, or mention how i'm procrastinating my summer homework, or wonder when we'll finally get a half blood prince trailer.
what i want to know is, what happened to the leprechauns?
:-)
only two days of school left, and then i'm done with this school forever. i don't want to be all nostalgic and say that it felt like just yesterday, but...
it really did feel like yesterday. yesterday i was in 4th grade with mr moretti and yesterday i was lost in the smithsonian with emily and megan and yesterday i was a brand new high school kid afraid of everything that moved. and tomorrow, who knows?
i can see the kid across the street through my window. he's playing with one of those wooden stick things, the ones they swordfight with. he's spinning it around, walking around the driveway. cute little brownish house.
and the charo chicken people next to them, in the yellow two story house, have their garage open and all their gazillions of cars and vans parked out front.
this is still weird.
but i think it's getting better.
here i am, in my new house.
but it doesn't feel right. it doesn't feel like ours yet. like we're on loan, could leave tomorrow. everyone keeps saying that it'll come in time, that i'll get used to it, but i don't know. how long is that supposed to take?
it's weird, not being home. this isn't home to me. it's just a house, just wood and glass, and concrete and paint, but it has some other family's memories in it. our memories are 2.2 miles away, in our old house.
so what am i doing here? i don't belong. i'm stepping in on someone else's memory, sleeping in someone else's bedroom. this isn't mine.
none of it is mine.
i'm moving on tuesday.
i'm not changing schools, not leaving my friends, not leaving the state, not even changing phone numbers. the new house is bigger and nicer than this one.
so why am i so scared?
i guess i get too attached to objects? i always have issues whenever my mom gets a new car... but it's like, i sit in that thing for hours each week, shouldn't i like it? and my house... i've lived in it my entire life. it's just so weird to think of someone else living in it, sleeping it. someone else using my closet or the sink in the bathroom. someone else using our oven or sitting in our backyard.
it's kind of surreal. for some reason i keep thinking it's not going to happen. like, we've packed our lives up in cardboard boxes, but something's going to fall through and we're not going to move after all.
but i guess i need to accept it soon. not that i really have a choice.
jane austen.
wow.
she never got married, never for sure fell in love, yet she managed to write 5 great novels about it. she knew so much about something that she never experienced herself.
i always thought she wrote about it because it was what she wanted. like she was living through her characters? but maybe that's not really why. maybe she was making fun of the necessity of marriage for a good life, of the commitment to it she saw around her.
maybe i'll end up like her.
always dreaming of love but never getting it.
forgettable spinster
It's 2008. Yay? It doesn't feel any different then 2007 or 2006. Smells the same, looks the same. But i guess everyone sees the new year as a metaphorical thing-new chapter in the blank book of our lives, opening a new door. What bugs me the most, though, is how the magazines take advantage of it. Makeovers for the new year, whoopee! It's the same for me, though. I'm not any older or any wiser, still stuck in the same grade in school. Life doesn't change just because i get a new calendar. So, boo you, vogue. My hair looks exactly the same as it did last week, as do my clothes and my shoes. The only thing the new year brings about is amazement at how fast last year went. And not even that, so much.
Ehh.
