I won't worry my life away

I won't worry my life away

Last night was the Cord Progression concert for Life Rolls On, featuring Jason Mraz.  I'm pretty sure I've established by now that I'm a control freak.  I like things to run smoothly and work out.  Last night, they seemed to, at first at least.  Everyone arrived at my house on time, and we got in the car at 6:16, which was only a minute later than the time I was aiming for.  We got dropped in the parking structure underneath the theater and then followed some strangers up the stairs.  Then I got out my passport and my credit card and we got in line to go inside.

But then the worst happened.  One of the sets of tickets got canceled on my card - automatically by Ticketmaster, without me receiving any kind of notification that this had occurred.  I only had four tickets, but I had eight people with me who wanted to go see Jason.  The lady at the door sent us to the box office, where the woman at the window told me there was nothing they could do because the concert was completely sold out.  It was one of the scariest moments of my life - I was imagining giving up my ticket and just leaving and letting four of the other girls go in, and I was talking to my mom on the phone and she wasn't telling me what to do, and everyone was staring at me wondering what was going on.  It was absolutely terrifying.  But thank God for Dynahlee, who asked to see a supervisor, and Sharon, who told the supervisor that we were teenagers who had no way of getting home.  And then the supervisor sold us tickets.  She was going to give us two sets of two in the wheelchair section - but then, as luck would have it, she found four seats in row 10.   

Yeah, ROW TEN.  We shuffled around the tickets a bit, and I felt horrible for Ellie and Sharon and Jen and Simone for ending up with row twenty-six, but HOLY SHIT ROW TEN.  The concert was absolutely amazing.  The opening acts were the Makepeace Brothers and Bushwalla, and both were great.  Jesse Billauer, the founder of Life Rolls On, also spoke for a bit and showed a bunch of videos about the organization, which is so amazing and inspirational and it makes me so happy knowing that there are people like that in the world. 

When Jason finally came out sometime between 9:30 and 10:00, Jane and Sharon were falling asleep, but they woke up right away.  He played a bunch of new songs, including one that he'd just finished that day.  I'm so lucky to have been one of the first people to get to hear it.  And he played my favorites - "Dynamo of Volition" and "You and I Both."  Despite the fact that we were several times one of the few groups standing in the theater and the people behind us actually left because of it, it was amazing.  The music was beautiful and Jason was funny and it was so, so, so much fun.    

Also Sharon saw Selena Gomez sitting in our row and freaked out, thereby ruining her indie image.  And we had a bit of a camera malfunction when Simone was trying to take our picture with the Makepeace Brothers, but it's okay because the resulting video is hilarious.  The whole night was basically a comedy of errors.  But it all turned out fantastically, and I'm so glad I had the chance to go.  <3    

Hold me close my tiny dancer

Hold me close my tiny dancer

I got my permit this afternoon.  It was one of the scariest experiences of my life.  The DMV is like an airport, with a zillion things going on at once, and if you somehow do something you're not supposed to you can get arrested.  And I literally could not understand what the man who was giving me directions was saying.  It was confusing and complicated and there were people everywhere.  And my picture - I look like a convict.  I'm not exactly sure what happened there.

Tomorrow I'm going to finish my history outline in the morning.  Before lunch.  Well, hopefully before lunch.  But probably more like 3 in the afternoon.  But then I will have all Sunday to do my physics lab and work on the Hamlet questions I've been procrastinating.  And then Jason Mraz.  I am so excited for this, I can't even describe it.

Here's something that I've been thinking about lately:  A few days ago, a guy that I know from elementary school added me as a friend on facebook.  He currently goes to the art school that I was supposed to go to beginning sophomore year.  It's sort of weird for me - like, that whole situation with switching schools and then not switching schools and my mom making me see a shrink and still not switching schools was just so weird and almost painful that I've almost just pushed the entire thing out of my head.  I don't regret the decision that I made at all, but it's so strange to see this kid's pictures (and farmville notices) come up in my news feed.  It makes me think about how different everything would've been if I had gone through with it. 

Things that made me smile this week:
1. We watched another one of those videos in art history today.  This one was on Jacques-Louis David.  The narrator is British and dramatic and it just makes me happy.
2. Alison and I spent way to long on this today, laughing and voicing our amazement at what gets created on the internet.
3. This guys in my math class - stupid sophomores, athletes - told us this ridiculous story concerning their near-arrest last weekend when they decided it would be intelligent to speed through the neighborhood upon seeing a cop car driving behind them.  Last night I was reading the local paper and saw a mention of it in the crime section.  "Juveniles detained on suspicion of shooting paint balls at a house."


To bed with me now?  Maybe.

Go on, make a mountain out of air

Go on, make a mountain out of air

Today was one of the most stressful afternoons I've had in a long time.  My history teacher does not know how to communicate.  And today was not the best either.  I hate that I let other people affect my mood.  I can be perfectly happy and smiling and carefree, but if one of my friends is feeling grumpy or angry or is acting bitchy, then I get annoyed and mimic the way that she's feeling.  What I hate even more is that I know that I do this, but I can't control it.  The more I think about it, the more frustrated I get, and then I just end up snapping at everyone who says anything to me.    

I keep typing and backspacing and typing and backspacing.  How is it that I have nothing to say tonight?  I guess it's because I know what I'm thinking - it's weird that my mom doesn't like one of my friends, I think certain people should be nicer, I think freshman girls should check the weather before they get dressed in the morning - but I can't really put it out on the internet for whoever to see.  That's the weird thing about blogging - I don't blog for you, I blog for me, but it's hard to blog for me when I have to sort of censor myself.  Oh, wait, here's something I can say:  I don't want your facebook group invitations.  Yes, you, I mean you.      

Tomorrow is Friday.  All I have to worry about is the drivers test.  And then I'm home-free, or whatever the expression is, for the weekend.  Two days til Jason Mraz!  I had an impromptu dance party to "Dynamo of Volition" about a half hour ago.  He always manages to turn my crappy days around.  :) 

I like how the day sounds through this new song

I like how the day sounds through this new song

This is turning out to be a pretty good week, all things considering.  Tonight I went out to dinner with my family and Islands lost our order and it was all very frustrating, but we haven't all been out together in a while so it was fun overall.  I studied for my history test for a bit and did my physics homework, and now I'm waiting for my nails to dry so I can take a shower.  Typing with wet nails probably isn't the best thing, but since they aren't that long I figure I'm probably okay.

It's really weird how fast time has been going by lately.  It's especially strange to look at my twitter and see something I thought a tweeted last weekend, only to discover that I actually posted it three weeks ago.  If I think about time in terms of how close something is to right now, and how close something else is to the that first something, than nothing's really very far away at all.  That was sort of a Mad Hatter sentence, so I'll expand.  The Jason Mraz concert is only three days away, and from that the week of March 14, which is Alison's birthday and when Alex is visiting, is only two weeks away.  From that week, my trip to France is only two weeks away.  Then the France trip is ten days long, so by the time I get back from that, AP exams will be less than a month away. And as soon as I finish my last AP exam on May 12, my birthday will only be a month away.  And from my birthday, there are only a few days of school left.

Alison would call this "Mrs. Hopkins logic."  Every Wednesday she says that it's almost Friday, on the basis that tomorrow is Thursday, and once you get Thursday morning over with it's pretty much nearly Friday.  And once it's Friday, it's basically the weekend.  I know that logic is a bit hokey - but I like it.  Once you get past Wednesday, the week just sort of speeds on by.


I was just thinking about all this, pondering in that way that only people who are procrastinating are apt to do, and Hamlet and his inability to keep track of time popped into my head.  I'm not crazy, I promise.

If this little light of mine combined with yours today

If this little light of mine combined with yours today

How many watts could we illuminate?  How many villages could we save?

I am in a surprisingly good mood right now despite the fact that I've used up an entire box of tissues in the last four hours and have a headache and have to read Hamlet.  I'm listening to Jason Mraz and getting more and more excited for Saturday by the second and smiling because Jason Mraz is adorable.  I finished all my homework for tomorrow a few hours ago and I already did a bunch of stuff that's due on Friday and I'm overusing the word "and" but Jason is amazing, so it's okay.  I don't think he'd mind.

Things I am looking forward to in the future:
1. Saturday!  Jason Mraz concert!
2. Alex is visiting?  I'm not sure when exactly.  Sometime in March, I believe?  Ellie and I are going to kidnap him and take him to Disneyland.
3.  Spring break.  France!  Five weeeeeeks!
4. The week after AP tests.  I'm not too excited for the week of - but the week after.  Yessssssss.
5. My birthday.  And then summer!  And then VidCon!  And then a bunch of weeks of blissful free time!  And then senior year.  But I can deal with that.



I can't believe it's only the beginning of the week.  Go by quickly, please?

The boy's gone home

The boy's gone home

3:30 PM
Yee gads.  This is complicated.

4:57 PM
If I don't take the initiative, no one will.  If I don't step forward with a plan, nothing will get planned.  If I don't set the dates and times, then nothing will be official.  If I don't organize the rides, then no one will be at the right place at the right time.  I hate that.

I'm not doing this anymore.  Someone else can plan.  I'll sit at home for the rest of my high school career without a social life.  When you're the one in charge, then you're the one who has to take the blame when something goes wrong.  You're the one who has to accept everyone else's anger.  You're the one who has to come up with a solution that makes everyone happy.  I don't want to be the person that has to deal with all that.  Not anymore.

I want to say that this is out of my hands; things are the way they are and there's nothing I can do about it.  But I could do something.  Unfortunately, no matter what I do, someone is going to be upset.  Probably two someones.  And that count doesn't include me.   And because of that, I don't want to do anything. 

I've officially relinquished my duty as group event planner.  Someone else can have it.  How do people do this for a living and stay sane?

5:25 PM
Ellie:  I think you  should start wearing turbans.
Me:  What?  Why?
Ellie:  I like turbans.  I'll wear one with you. 
Me:  Do you have voldemort on the back of your head?

5:28 PM
My suction-cup leprachaun from Ireland just popped off of my mirrored closet door.  It's now lying on the ground, flat on its back, looking dejected and dead. 

5:41 PM
Ellie:  Our feathers will let us fly.

5:51 PM
Well then.

7:35 PM
Listening to Jason Mraz.  Wishing he could fix everyone elses' problems too.  Hoping he plays all my favorite songs on Saturday.  Wondering what's wrong with the CD player in Michael's car.  Thinking it's too early to go to sleep.

9:20 PM
Still not being the event planner anymore.

Farewell well well well well well well till you know me well

Farewell well well well well well well till you know me well

Things I will never be, despite what movies, my parents, school teachers, children's books, and warning labels tell me:
- a drug addict
- president of the United States
- a blonde
- working at McDonald's
- a member of the National Guard
- the owner of a motorcycle
- singing and dancing on Broadway
- a mother of triplets
- prom queen
- a WoW master
- a follower of Jesus Christ
- an A+ student
- a person who pirates movies
- a prison inmate
- a hairdresser
- the writer of the next Great American Novel
- the kind of person who can wear two different color socks and not care
- someone's mistress
- living in New York City
- the girlfriend of a sex god
- a lover of horror films
- a girl who gives cookies to mice
- someone who wears contacts
- a taxi driver
- a fan of Monday mornings
- an Edward Cullen fangirl
- fluent in Shakespearean language
- a quidditch player
- a student of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
- tall
- like you
- the model for an action figure
- finished with this list.

But I should probably say that I'm unsure why

But I should probably say that I'm unsure why

Here is something that happened to me today that I'm sure you don't care about at all.

This morning I woke up at 10:27 to the phone ringing.  The phone in my room is horribly shrill and the song that it plays is extremely annoying.  I  did not answer.  Instead I rolled over and covered my ears and waited for it to stop, hoping that I would be able to fall asleep again once it was quiet.  But then at 10:30 the alarm on my cell phone ("Glad" by Tyler Hilton) went off.  So I growned loudly and got up out of bed to turn it off.  Then I checked the caller id on the house phone:  my mother.  When I called her back, she said, "I just wanted to make sure you were awake."  When I informed her that I had set my alarm for 10:30 with the precise goal of awaking at exactly 10:30, and that rather than rising to the peaceful song that is my alarm, I was roused by the annoying ringing of the phone, she said, "well, I thought you would have set your alarm for 10 o'clock."

Then I went downstairs and made myself breakfast.  While I was eating and perusing my copy of this week's Entertainment Weekly, my dad arrived home.  I said "hi" and he said "yeah" and then he disappeared into his office.  So I finished my breakfast and went upstairs and lolled about for a few hours.  At noon my mom called and asked me if I wanted her to bring me anything for lunch.  I said yes, and then I took a shower.

When I got out of the shower, I went downstairs, where I found my little sister and her friend sitting at the kitchen table.  "We sorta ate all the french fries," my sadistic little sister announced, smiling.  And for some reason - maybe I didn't get enough sleep, I don't know - I was mad.  I was really really really mad.  I went upstairs to tell my mom and all she did was shrug at me.  When I got  back to the kitchen, my sister and her friend had disappeared, and my lunch, which consisted of precisely 4 chicken nuggets, was sitting on a plate in the center of the kitchen table, where it had been for probably at least a half hour.

See, here's the thing about my house.  My dog is a rabid monster.  You can't leave something on the kitchen table unless you want to lose it to Gracie's stomach.  You have to push your plate back when you get up from the table and you can't put anything too close to the edge.  If you turn away for even a second, it's hers.

So my lunch was cold.  I put it in the microwave for a few seconds while I scrounged around the fridge for some ranch dressing.  I'm very picky about the way I eat chicken nuggets, and I wondered why my mom had brought my barbecue sauce but not ranch dressing, but I decided she must have just forgot.  I ate my chicken nuggets and cleaned up the trash that my sister left behind and then I left the kitchen.

And then on the way up the stairs I discovered the missing ranch dressing container, on the floor near the living room, licked clean of all its contents by Gracie, who sat nearby, tail wagging.  My father, as you can imagine, was extremely, well, pissed off.  He called my sister downstairs and yelled at her for a minute or so before she got all defensive because that's her nature, and then he ran all over the house searching for any sign of the ranch dressing before determining that Gracie had really ingested all of it.      

My mom told me that she'd make my lack of lunch up to me.  So she went to Target and bought me a Three Musketeers bar and wouldn't let my sister have one.  But for the moment my sister and I are not friends anymore.  Yes, I'm being petty and childlike, but I wanted those french fries.  (Although I forgot I was mad at her over dinner and spoke to her like nothing had happened.  A true mistake on my part.)

But she just came in to my room and gave me chocolate.  We might be friends again.

We are the voices of the underground

We are the voices of the underground

So tell me:

What was Captain Hook's name before he lost his hand?
What's up with this weird pain in my left knee?
Why does "keep calm and carry a wand" sound like the cleverest thing I've heard all day?
What really is bocce ball?
Where did our vhs of "Peter Pan" staring Mary Martin get to?
Should I take another year of French?
How did JK Rowling become so brilliant, and where can I pick that up?
How come every time I watch a video in my subscription box another one appears to take its place?
Why is there an Avatar photoshop tutorial in the "Black History Month" spotlight box on youtube?
Why is music so quotable?
Why are Roman numerals so confusing?
Why isn't Harry Potter real?
How come/why are "how come" and "why" interchangable?
Why is summer so far away?
 

Seriously, though.  These aren't rhetorical.

I nearly forgot to title this

I nearly forgot to title this

I just got back from a mixer for my France trip, at which we played the name game for about 40 hours before being informed that we are going to visit Mont Saint Michel.  I can't explain how excited I am about this.  I mean, just look at it.

Is it not the most gorgeous thing you've ever seen ever in your life ever?  I'm fangirling an island right now.  But really.  It's going to be so cool to see everything from my art history text book right in front of me, in 3-d and actuality and stuff.  And it was also mentioned that when we go to Bayeux to see our new French friends that we're meeting soon via e-mail, we're going to get to see the Bayeux Tapestry.  I basically jumped out of my seat when I heard that, and everyone else was just staring at the floor and twirling their hair like nothing exciting happened.  But I swear my eyes lit up.  I am about 10 times more excited for this trip now than I was three hours ago.

So somehow that put me in an amazing mood, even though I had a horrible afternoon that included getting into a fight with my mom on her birthday and realizing that some of my nanowrimo wasn't understood in the way that I meant it to be understood.  And I didn't get to driver's ed tonight, but I think not being home for more than 2 hours is a valid excuse.  I didn't study for my verb quiz or read Hamlet in as much detail as I was supposed to.  But who cares, because next weekend I'm seeing the fabulous Jason Mraz in concert (again!) and in 6 weeks I'm going to France and there are only 4 more months until my birthday which means only 4 more months until summer!

Woot!  I never say woot, but this situation is very deserving of a "woot!" so here you go.  

Life is a dream cause we're all walking in our sleep

Life is a dream cause we're all walking in our sleep

Text message from Ellie:  Omg I painted on like an actual canvas and it was super fun.

Tonight my mom put dinner in the oven and then left the house to go to yoga, instructing my father to take it out in five minutes.  So when I heard the timer I ran downstairs and into the kitchen, where I found my father standing in front of the oven, phone pressed to his ear and oven mitt dangling from his other hand.  Luckily he handed the oven mitts to me and frantically waved at the oven.  If he hadn't - well, we've all seen those horror movies where the cute housewife in the apron tries to balance the phone between her ear and shoulder and ends up dropping it in the dish she's taking out of the oven, or she drops the dish onto her foot/the floor/the dog. 

I have 6 days to do 10 lessons of driver's ed.  I can do that, right?  I just have to do, like, 3 a night on Saturday.  Yup.  Hopefully I will finish and my mom will not kill me like she's been sorta-not-really threatening to do.

And somehow I've run out of things to say.  Sharon who is a dear just emailed me my nanowrimo with edits all over it.  That makes me happy.  And she's giving me the rest tomorrow.  I wish I had time to spend hours working on it, though.  Oh, school.

A mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

A mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

I've been feeling the need to scream the phrase, "none of your beeswax!" at the top of my lungs lately.  I'm nosy - I know that I'm nosy - but I try to be subtly nosy.  I learn things I shouldn't know by eavesdropping, therefore maintaining my cover as a little innocent girl who sits quietly hidden from the teacher.  But there is also the other kind of nosy - the peak-through-the-blinds, "whatcha doing?", leaning-over-your-shoulder sort of nosy people.  And that's the sort of nosy person that drives me insane.

Take, for example, this conversation that occurred in English class last week.
Me:  Hey Ryan, where's my note?
Ryan:  Oh, it's in my locker.  Should I go get it?
Me:  Yes please.
Personwho'snotpartoftheconversation:  What note?
Me:  *explains entire story of note to Personwho'snotpartoftheconversation to avoid being rude while secretly desiring to scream NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX*

Another instance of nosiness from English class.
Me:  *sitting at desk before the bell rings writing on a piece of paper*
Personwhoisuninvolved:  What are you doing?  Do we have a quiz today?  Why are you using purple pen?
Me:  There's no quiz today.  *None of your beeswax, go away.*

And one final example.
Actually, this one isn't a conversation.  It's an instance of new-sticker-on-my-binder because people have this strange inclination to touch my stuff.  Go away, stuff-touchers.  Touch someone else's stuff.

Okay, maybe the issue here is my English class.  I love my English class, really.  But maybe the atmosphere is too relaxed.  It is not okay to come up to my desk and start pawing through my binder without asking me because you need paper.  I don't like people to stand that close to me.  Apparently I'm slightly claustrophobic, and people-phobic.  Also driver's license-phobic and old people-phobic, but that's a whole nother story.    

And you let go to what the end will show

And you let go to what the end will show

Random thoughts:

1. If I lived in a Jane Austen novel, I would have thousands and thousands of hats, and lots of empire-waist dresses in various colors.
2. The new facebook layout confuses me.  A lot.  And does anyone else think it's been running slower lately? 
3. Gchat noises are much more pleasant that fbchat noises.
4. I am not a fan of Hamlet.
5. I hope my grades go up as the semester goes on.  This is not a good start.
6. One of my favorite songs at the moment:

7. I really hope this week doesn't suck as much as last week, or the week before that, did.
8. I'm excited to read The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep and Never Had To but first I have to finish The End of the Affair.
9. Formspring is a strange thing.
10. A gladiolus flower looks like this:

I don't want to sit on the pavement while you fly

I don't want to sit on the pavement while you fly

If I were Emma Woodhouse I would say, "what a delightful evening!" although in all honestly, there was nothing particularly special about it.  I just spent a few hours with my momsy watching the first part of PBS's new version of Jane Austen's "Emma."  I really love Jane Austen.

This afternoon we went to a little teeny tiny theater in Pasadena to see a musical called "Wisdom 2116," which was written by Ray Bradbury.  We arrived really early, and that turned out to be a good thing, because Ray Bradbury was there speaking.  So I stood at the back of the room for 45 minutes while he talked.  I hope I live that long, and that I'll someday have that many stories to tell someday.  After he finished speaking, there was this crazy slow-motion shuffle as everyone smushed back out into the lobby.  My mom bought a couple of his books and then he signed them for us.  And then everyone smushed back into the theater for the show, which was really short and really strange but really cool.  (Although the entire time I was sort of holding my breath - I'm pretty sure my sister was the youngest person in the room, and my mom was also on the young side.)

Tomorrow I'm going shopping - yes, back to Forever 21.  My mom's already told me not to buy too much though.  And with that in mind, I probably won't buy anything.  I'm such a goody-two-shoes when it comes to that - I won't buy anything unless I know my mom will approve it.  It's going to be horrendous when I'm shopping for my own house one day.

Hey, you know what?  I should go to bed early tonight.  Yup, I should really do that.  

This is usually where I put interesting song lyrics

This is usually where I put interesting song lyrics

So I'm pretty sure Skype's main goal is to make my head explode.  I updated my Skype to the new version, because it told me to, and now every time I start a video chat it crashes.  Then Ali and I tried out Oovoo, which is basically the most confusing piece of computer software I have ever encountered in my life.  And in other computer news that you absolutely do not care about, I got a new keyboard, and this new one is a lot quieter and I don't feel like a frantic typist from the 1930s anymore.  Which could be a good thing or a bad thing, depend on how you look at it.    

Tonight I watched "The Time Traveler's Wife" with my mom and my little sister.  I loved the book, but the movie wasn't that great.  Just structured badly - too confusing.  And Rachel McAdams, as much as I love her, seemed to be sporting some sort of weird lilt in her voice.  She was talking really strangely.  But the characters were still touching, just not as touching as they were in the novel.  And I think my mother's narration and comments on the anachronisms and stupidity of the movie sort of detracted from its overall affect.

I really should try to finish my French homework tonight so I can at least feel like I've accomplished something today besides watching tv and screaming at my computer.  Tomorrow morning I've got to put in more hours on my homework - maybe I can get my lovely momsy to read Hamlet with me? - and then we're heading into Pasadena for some sort of Ray Bradbury-written musical.  Should be an exciting day.  :|  (I seriously think that face looked better on my old keyboard.  How is that even possible?  The typefaces within my computer haven't changed.)     

I have self-control, I really do, and I'm about to exercise it.  Posting this, and then the computer's going off.  And then, French homework.  Really. 

Even though my life before was tragic

Even though my life before was tragic

I just sat through about half of the opening ceremonies of the Olympics before we all started to fall asleep on the couch.  Say what you will about my lack of patriotism and spirit and whatnot - but I have absolutely no desire at all to watch the Olympics.  Although I must admit that some of the pants that various countries were sporting were quite entertaining, and it was fun trying to understand the French announcements.

Today at school choir delivered singing grams for Valentine's Day.  In first period, I heard two renditions of "Brown Eyed Girl" and in second period, another of the same and two rounds of "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic."  And then "Brown Eyed Girl" changed to "Boy" in sixth period.  I've had "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" stuck in my head ALL DAY.  And so of course I'm listening to it right now, because that's what I do every time I have a song stuck in my head - listen to it over and over and over until I know all the words.

Earlier this evening the version of "We Are the World" that all the stars recorded in honor of Haiti was on, and I was pointing all of the celebrities out to my clueless mother - "Who's that?" "Josh Groban." "That's Barbara Streisand!"  "I know, Mom." - when my dad suddenly walked over and blocked me from seeing the tv.  "You know all of those people could buy Haiti with the money in their cookie jars, right?"  And so I said, "yeah, I know that."  But after thinking about it for awhile, I've decided that I'm not naive - I'm just not cynical.  I know that maybe Miley Cyrus only does song collaborations like that because Disney makes her, but is it so hard to believe that she actually has a heart?  We're all just people, and we're just people wanting to help other people, and there's nothing wrong with celebrities using their influential status to bring attention to good causes.  And besides, how does my dad know that Miley and Jennifer Hudson and Fergie and the Jonas Brothers haven't emptied out their cookie jars for all the people suffering in Haiti?  It's horribly generalizing to assume that just because they're famous, they're so caught up in their own lives that they don't realize what's going on around them.  (And, okay, who keeps money in a cookie jar anyway?)

In any case, I'm glad I'm not that cynical.  I like to believe the best in people - like to, meaning I don't always.  Especially when it comes to trusting other people with things.  But - I sort of don't think what I'm about to say is going to make any sense - when it comes to being human, to being emotional and feeling for others and all that - we all come from the same essential roots, and so I should theoretically be able to expect from others what I can expect from myself.  But only theoretically, of course.   

Tomorrow I'm going to stay home and do homework all day, and hopefully read a bit and maybe catch up on some tv.  I love days like that, lazy days, rester chez moi days.  Qu'est-ce que tu vas faire ce weekend?

I miss you, I'm going back home to the West Coast

I miss you, I'm going back home to the West Coast

"What a dreadful day."
-- Michael Kang

I had a very strange dream last night.
I have seven farmville requests right now, and I'm ignoring them for the time being.
The nail polish on my left thumbnail is chipped and it's really bugging me.  A lot. 
I should be reading Hamlet right now.
I hate when teachers call on me in class.  That happened twice today.  But at least I knew that Joe DiMaggio was a baseball player.
The things that people become fans of on facebook make me laugh.
Do you ever use the shift key on the right side of the keyboard? 
Tomorrow's Friday, thank God.
I really need to be reading Hamlet right now.

Gray and smudged and dirty like your face

Gray and smudged and dirty like your face

I don't have anything interesting to say today.  These are the lyrics to one of my most favorite songs.

Sometimes when I’m singing you draw pictures on the walls
And I wonder then if how I’m feeling makes sense to you at all
I show tunes to you I’ve written, and you cover them in paint,
They’re better now, grey and smudged,
And dirty like your face.

I swung you to the city and you wished that it was new,
So you could write an art house film and I could make my debut.
All I am asking of you now, is just to take me back in time,
To the nights above the city when you asked if you were mine.

And i’d drive with you all morning down the streets and avenues,
And we’ll sit among the gravestones and i’ll try and break the news,
That i’m happier with you that I will ever be again,
But i’ll give up before i’m done and we can dance in the rain.

I swung you to the city and you wished that it was new,
So you could write an art house film and I could make my debut.
All I am asking of you now, is just to take me back in time,
To the nights above the city when you asked if you were mine.

I would give everything I have to tell you everything I want,
But there’s too much I have to tell you, too much that i forgot,
I wonder now if all this time, will linger in my mind,
Beyond the days we spend so vacantly when this is left behind.
I won’t regret the taste of you or how your head feels on my chest,
I’ll never spill a single secret, or a sin that you confessed
And and I won’t cry when this is over,
When its time to say goodbye,
I won't cry
I won’t cry.

I swung you to the city and you wished that it was new,
So you could write an art house film and I could make my debut.
All I am asking of you now, is just to take me back in time,
To the nights above the city when you swore that you were mine.

 "Debut", Fortunes Fall

Give me a minute while I fiddle with my hair

Give me a minute while I fiddle with my hair

It's Tuesday, but it feels like Monday.  Three-day weekends always get me all mixed up.

I took the curlers out of my hair this morning and I looked like Little Bo Peep after a car accident.  But then my lovely momsy fixed it with a zillion hair clips and a curling iron and all was well.  Sort of. Today was not the best day.  I don't like changing seats in class.  I don't like change period, really.  And I don't like walking around in the rain.  I don't like lots of things.  Here I am being negative again.   

New code names to please Roger Rabbit, who is bugging me about them.  (Although really I shouldn't do things to please Roger.  But code names are fun.)

This morning Beyonce told me that I exaggerate too much.  And maybe I do.  I really didn't look like Little Bo Peep after a car accident this morning, and I really didn't need to use a zillion hair clips, and of course I'm not as hateful or as unhappy as I look on paper (or onscreen).  (At least I hope I'm not.)  And for some reason this led me into thinking about how petty we are, thinking that the goings-on in our lives are the most important things in the world.  But then, isn't everyone like that?  Even the heads of countries, arguing with each other over everything, are like little 6th grade girls who are best friends one minute and can't stand each other the next.  It's all just on a grander scale.  But when you really think about it - no one cares what you're doing except for you and the circle of people around you, and that's sort of true with everything.  (But we do care about war because even if it's occurring a world away, people are dying, and that affects us.)

My printer isn't working.  I really don't want to crawl behind my desk to unplug it, but it appears that that needs to be done.  Grr.  Why can't the thing just work?  I only need to print one sheet of paper!  And it's in color.  It's not even in black, which the stupid thing is always telling me it's running out of.  Ugh.  

Awkward conversation(s) of the day
Me:  Sharon made you this cd but she's making me give it to you.
HHH:  Thank you.  Is she here today?
Me:  Yeah...
HHH:  Oh this is my friend's band!  Say hi to your mom!
Me:  ...

Gosling: So Natasha, how's French?
Me: It's fine...  Why?
Gosling:  Just trying to make small talk.
Me:  Oh...kay.

If you won't save me please don't waste my time

If you won't save me please don't waste my time

Today I went to Sharon's and we hung up string across her room and pinned pictures to it with clothespins.  It came out really cool-looking.  I love stuff like that.  Right now I'm cutting things out of magazines, cute words and sayings and pictures and things.  I've already taped some stuff to one of the mirrors in my room.  My dad hasn't seen it yet, though.  I don't know how he'll react to it.

I'm really not too excited for this week.  It's supposed to rain again tomorrow and Wednesday.  Ugh.  And we're reading Hamlet - Sharon really really loves it, she's been writing all over her copy, but I just... don't.  At all.  I hate liars and cheaters and hypocrites and people who can't say what they mean, and Shakespeare's world is full of them.  And here I am, wanting to be an English major.  I'm going to have to learn to like Shakespeare somehow.  But that doesn't have to start today. 

The season finale of "Heroes" is on in about fifty minutes.  I'm almost hoping they put the show out of its misery and end it with tonight's episode, but we'll see.  Am I really talking about tv shows in my blog?  Oh gosh.   

I can't wait for summer. 

Are you not the same as you used to be

Are you not the same as you used to be

Things that are beautiful:
1. Zooey Deschanel













2. This cover of MGMT's "Kids"


3. The feeling that comes with not playing farmville anymore
4. Dresses
5. Weekends
6. This picture
7. This tumblr
8. Sleeping

I did absolutely nothing today.  I got up at 10:30 and ate a donut for breakfast.  Then I browsed the internet for a while and chipped away at my homework until lunch.  And then after lunch I did the same.  No Super Bowl for me.  Now I've finished all the homework I wanted to get done today and I don't want to work on driver's ed.  I could watch "Chuck" or go watch a movie on read The End of the Affair or cut things out of magazines or finish Jen's cds or write the note to Sharon that I already folded or go bug my parents about dinner, but instead of doing all that I just seem to be sitting here, refreshing facebook over and over and waiting for something exciting to happen.  Metaphor for my life?  

Put me on a plane and fly me to anywhere

Put me on a plane and fly me to anywhere

Today I took the ACT - it wasn't too bad - and then Sydney talked me into some vegetables at Sprout's.  Then we went to the movies and saw "Dear John," that's one off of my list.  It should suffice to say that I loved it, but I'm still not sure about Channing Tatum as a heartthrob and whatnot.  He's very... beefy.  And angry looking.  But he has cute freckles on his back.

Anyhow, the movie was cute.  Then I helped Sydney make dinner.  I discovered that I do not really like celery root.  It definitely doesn't taste like mashed potatoes.  We had these molten chocolate cake things for desert with whipped cream that Sydney made.  I think my blog is going downhill.  I've never written about food before.

Now I'm sitting here pretending to do my homework and compiling a playlist to burn for Jennifer and playing music trivia with Megan over facebook.  Random thought:  is it bad that occasionally something happens and my automatic response is to think either she's just being Miley or the title of a Miley Cyrus song?  Yeah, I think that's bad.

Also occasionally "All Downhill by Here" by Newfound Glory pops into my head.  

Okay, why are none of my friends online?  Michael is always online.  Where is he?  It's like my friends have, like, lives or something.  What's up with that, yo?  My life just constitutes of procrastination and music and blogging and sleeping and mourning the fact that I can't go anywhere. 

Me:  I'll just make a joke about it.
Sharon:  Knowing you, you already planned it.

The sorest of times, got your thoughts on my mind

The sorest of times, got your thoughts on my mind

Things that made me smile today:
1. A note from Sharon
2. John Green reading from Will Grayson, Will Grayson, the book he wrote with David Levithan
3. Ryan throwing a ball of paper at a trashcan and seriously missing
4. Kevin Gooch saying hi to me creepily
5. Michael doing something stupid
6. This picture

I'm not letting this be ruined for me.  I love blogging too much to let it go.  Although I didn't realize how much I love it until now.  It's so much easier than keeping a hand-written journal, more natural, even though that sounds backwards.

And getting mad at me over it, that's confusing and weird and I just don't understand.  I guess I haven't made it clear enough that I blog because I'm stressed and tired and I just like to rant.  But I rant about these momentary annoyances, these things that only bother me when I'm stressed and tired.  But then I sleep and I eat some chocolate and I write about what's bugging me, and then it all goes away.  (With the exception of annoyance at Steven.  That doesn't really go away.)

Besides, anyone who says they don't get annoyed is lying.  No one is completely immune to what others do.  And if there's someone out there who is, then I want them to be president, because that person would have to be the most tolerant person ever.  But that's not me.  I'm intolerant and judgmental and constantly cranky.  And hopefully I'll grow out of that and become a generally happy person eventually.  But I haven't yet, for the most part.

There were way too many qualifiers in that paragraph.

Now that I've kicked all my readers off, I guess I can blog more than once a day now without looking stupid.  So yay, I guess.

Today was not good.

Today was not good.

Things that made me smile today:
1. A guy in an "I killed Edward" t-shirt.
2. Erin's brother Kevin yelling "I love you!" at me from two cars over.
3. Alternative hip-hop.
4. The voice of the narrator of the video on the Baroque period that we watched in art history.
5. The picture of Paul McCartney in dorky glasses that's at the bottom corner of my computer screen.
6. This question:  "so, are you going to prom with a frog this year?"

I wish I could have been there last night.

Let's all pack up and move this year

Let's all pack up and move this year

On Monday, our next day off, I'm going to help ST reorganize/redecorate/clean her room. I'm really excited about it, for some reason. I think it would be so much fun to be an interior designer someday. Let's add that to the list.

Things I Want to Be When I Grow Up

1. A writer
2. A fashion/music journalist
3. A travel writer
4. A teacher
5. An exec at a fashion label
6. A film director
7. A photographer for a magazine
8. An interior designer

I really admire people who are happy all the time, like Kimi (that's a new nickname) and Spongebob (that's not a nickname). And Jason Mraz and Peter Pan and X-Ray and people that don't let what's going on with others or what others say to them affect how they feel and act. I think I've said something like that on here before - but I'm especially feeling that admiration right now. Early today, I was talking to X-Ray about how much I admire Spongebob, and she was like, "well yeah, but you should be a less annoying version of Spongebob."

Transition.

Barney and Thin-Mint have made their relationship official on facebook as of last night. As much as I love them (and I really do, despite the fact that Barney is possibly more annoying than a spastic cat), I'm sort of really weirded out by the whole thing. But I just need to wait and see and not get in their way and hope that if they break up it won't make our group totally awkward. (And technically they've been "official" for a few weeks and just didn't tell anyone... or act like they're together. So my reaction isn't totally new... the weirdness has been felt for a few weeks.)

Only a few more weeks until Jason Mraz! He doesn't need a nickname because he's a real person. Not that my friends aren't. But anyhow, it's going to be a lot of fun and I hope he plays all my favorite songs. The split-ticket thing sort of sucks, but hopefully X-Ray and Deathly Hallows and Thin-Mint and Kimi and the rest of us can work it out. Okay, now I'm just giving myself reasons to use the nicknames. Why do I have nothing interesting to talk about?

I'm going to go eat an ice cream sandwich.

Oh! Interesting something: Phoenix. Last night my dad yelled at me, so I went to the top of the stairs. Conversation as follows:

Dad: Do you know what Phoenix is?
Me: ... A band.
Dad: The Cadillac song!
Me: Yeah. I love Phoenix.
Dad: YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME!

Also, random thought. There's a facebook thing right now where you change your profile picture to one of your "celebrity doppleganger" - but I don't think I have one. So, yup. Not doing that. Not that I usually do those kinds of things anyway - skipped out on the Pokemon one, might as well skip this one too.




PS I like Goodreads!

In which I overanalyze my social life

In which I overanalyze my social life

I'm going to bed right now, literally right now.  Well, actually in about four minutes, approximately.  But I have my retainers in already and everything!  When I don't blog for a day or two, I feel like I'm getting out of habit, and if I go much longer without blogging then I'll never blog again. 

Anyhow. 

I feel like my friendships have been shifting over the past few weeks (although I think since I'm a teenager my friendships are always going to be shifting).  I'm never really specific when I talk about my friends in my blog because I know that some of them read it (hello!) or at least pretend to read it, so I can't really contrast what I'm thinking now with what I was thinking over the summer or even back in September or October because I don't remember and I haven't really logged it in my blog.  Maybe I should go the Kate route and use nicknames?  Then I'll just confuse myself beyond measure.

Oh well.

So Shirley Temple and I have become a lot closer in the past few weeks, which is really weird, because for the past few months or so, since maybe November, ST wasn't telling me something and I blew it up to be something huge and I started to feel like it was going to affect our friendship permanently.  But that's just one of those instances of me overreacting and me being too sensitive, and in the end (although that phrase is sort of final, and this isn't really final) we've actually grown closer.  (Also I would like to note for posterity that from ST I learned - indirectly - the art of note-folding.)  That's not specific at all.  

Then there's Deathly Hallows, furthermore to be known as DH, who I seem to never see, and then all of a sudden she'll call me one night and it'll be like I just talked to her at lunch.  But then when I do see her at lunch, she and Australia behave totally normally and somehow I still feel like the outsider.  That's me being too sensitive again.  I wish I were Franklin the Turtle and I could just crawl inside my shell and hide and let things bounce off of me instead of being hurt by everything that hits me.   

And X-Ray (I don't know how long this nickname will last because of its Holes connotations) has this way of oversimplifying things and sending one-word text messages that makes me want to rip my hair out.  But then she can somehow make me feel better when I feel like everything I do pisses someone off, and she can get Barney to leave without offending him when he starts to give me a migraine. 

I just totally failed at the bed-in-four-minutes thing.  I really should go to sleep now.  More nicknames to be handed out tomorrow, unless my homework suddenly piles up.