Falling from high places, falling from lost spaces

Falling from high places, falling from lost spaces

probably the most helpful thing my mom said to me on the phone tonight was, “your dad is really excited about the shirt you got him.”
why do i need so much affirmation from others to know that i'm doing the right thing?
note to self: do not try to swallow pills while crying.
to investigate: possible correlation between decade spent in girl scouts and innate desire to leave places cleaner than i found them.

reedies are so, so unkind to people who disagree with them, because they think that everything that they believe is the right thing to believe, to know, and i am so, so tired of that.  i don't want to be part of a group so obstinate as this one.  

i do not believe in the idolization of human beings to the point where you believe that they can do no wrong.  is this integrity, the way that i know in my heart that there are certain things that will just never sit right with me?  

i am so irrationally upset about what happened to spencer on pretty little liars and i haven't even been watching.  

these tears are not because i don't want to be alone anymore.

these tears are because i don't know how to be otherwise.

how come sometimes the only consolation is that my parents are proud of me?

Everything must start again anew

Everything must start again anew

What if you imagine someone so complexly that the actual them is disappointing?

We lost faith in the arms of love

We lost faith in the arms of love

I'm always the girl you ask about homework and the one who lends you a pen and then never gets it back.  Today is self-loathing and Ben Howard and glasses and sadness settling in my stomach.  Today is waking up tired and undercooked pancakes and feeling blind and broken.  It's hard to remember why I'm here and it's hard to remember what I want and it's goddamn harder than hell to feel like I'm worth anything.  The black typeface on my computer screen looks green from a certain angle and everything seems awful from this certain angle, but it's the angle that I'm living and it's the one I can't get away from.

I want to go home and sleep for a week.  I want to eat whatever I want and not give a damn.  I want to watch a million hours of television and write analytical essays on my favorite characters.  I want to stop feeling so much so often so heavy so many tears.