You and I will fly out of this town

You and I will fly out of this town

I don't know what to say right now or even what to think, and I think I'm in way over my head and I'm beyond my depths and I'm trying to make a new cd for my car but nothing sounds right to me right now.  If things were the way I want them to be, or think I want them to be, I'd text you and tell you about how I've never liked "The Goofy Movie" and how I think I'm going to end up like Holden and that when I’m sitting at my desk in class I know you're behind me and to the right a bit even though I can't see you.   

I'm feeling restless again, which is typical for me, I guess, and I want to change, change everything and dye my hair and run away to somewhere beautiful, but of course I can't, because that's not who I am or who I've ever been. It all comes down to me being real and not fictional and not a dynamic character and not someone who people notice because I'm just too damn scared to speak up.  To you I'm nothing and I don't expect anything more than that because I'm not the type to make things happen for myself.  

I've been listening to the same two songs on repeat for the last two days, and there's no rhyme or reason to it so far as I can tell, and I wish we could just be without any rhyme or reason.  There's no rhyme or reason to anything in my head anymore, but for some reason I don't think you'd care.  Tomorrow I'll see you again and I probably won't speak to you but that's okay, because a part of me still believes in the idea that everything will work out for the best someday.     

I know it's been such a long time

I know it's been such a long time

This is a passage from my "novel" and the grammar is horrible but that's the way I like it.  I've got a lot on my mind right now and I can't get it straight and I don't want it where it can be found by anyone besides myself, so here's this and maybe in 24 hours things will make more sense to me.

I bury myself in your shoulder, losing myself in my tears.  It’s Sunday, lazy Sunday, and we’re sitting on the grass and the wind is blowing my hair and you’re pulling back my hair playing with my hair and you want to fix it all and you say that everything is going to be okay you know it’s going to be okay and I love you I know that I love you but I’m scared because what if you can’t what if I break what if it breaks and it all falls apart and what if it’s so broken so broken that it’s gone it’s hopeless and you can’t fix it?  All that’s still all that’s for sure is right now right here, you and me and the wind and the trees and my heart and yours and I love you.  And even in the uncertain future where it could break it could all fall apart I love you.