The more I think about it the less I do control

The more I think about it the less I do control

As much as I like to pretend that I hate everyone and everything, sometimes it all just kind of collapses inside my head and inverts and all I can think is that my misery, although that word doesn't seem right, is my own fault.   I keep telling myself that if I don't like something in my life, I'm just going to change it.  But it's really not that simple, and as soon as I think about that, about how stuck I am, everything sort of collapses underneath me and all I can do is scrawl it out in blog posts and attempt to ignore the recurring thought that maybe what I'm most unhappy with is me.

Do you know that your love is the sweetest sun

Do you know that your love is the sweetest sun

I'm the only one still awake.  It's a bit strange and a bit creepy, but also sort of peaceful.  Quiet, aside from my iTunes playing.  I always feel a bit unsettled, though, when I don't say goodnight to my mom.

I took the SAT this morning.  It was long and boring and I really hope I did better this time.  Then I filmed with my group for history until 5:30, just sort of sat and tried not to fall asleep for an hour, then ate dinner.  And then we watched "Doctor Who", which was delightful as always.  After that I started "Peter Pan" but I turned it off at 9 with the plan of coming upstairs to shower and go to bed early since I have to get up early again tomorrow.  Yet here I am, dreaming of Neverland and scanning the depths of the internet for pictures of my favorite scenes.

"You offend reason, sir.
I should like to offend it with you."  

"Forget them, Wendy. Forget them all. Come with me where you'll never, never have to worry about grown up things again."
"Never is an awfully long time."

God, I had such a huge crush on Jeremy Sumpter.  I used to have him as the desktop background on my computer.  Maybe I should go back to that.  I think it's time for a change. 

I shot the Wendy

I shot the Wendy

Hi, blog creepers who send my blog url to people.  Cough. 



I can't believe that still exists.  That is my childhood, in 7 minute segments.  I love how the Lost Boys just climb into their trees.  And I love that Tiger Lily is blond.  SHHH.  Ugga wugga meatball.  I never questioned that as a child, but are there really meatballs in Neverland?

  

My favorite part has to be the man in the lion suit with the glasses hopping around in the background.  These songs are so great.  Ahhhh.  Let's be as quiet as a little mouse and build a little house for Wendy... 

Hey Mr. Nally

Hey Mr. Nally

Everything was fine today.  The entire day was fine and then I came home and did my math homework and talked to my mom and I just sort of sunk into this funk.  I cause my own problems - I know that.  But I don't know how to stop. 

The things that usually make me feel better - watching "10 Things I Hate About You", listening to Jason Mraz - don't seem to be working tonight.  I'm just downloading fonts and not working on Hamlet and thinking I should go to bed early tonight.  Talking to Michael and thinking I should be studying.  Wanting to draw with colored pens even though I can't draw and thinking I should clean my room.  Wants and shoulds and just plain old can'ts. 

This just made me really happy.  I wish I had someone to share my love of "Hook" with.  But since I don't I can just share this video with everyone.