Drive until you lose the road
I am having a strange week during which I am learning that I never want to live alone because the world is a scary place and I am a scary person when I have to keep all of my thoughts inside my head all the time, but this year taught me very clearly that I suck at living with people. So basically I am a disaster. But I've got this romantic and therefore unrealistic notion that my soulmate (which is a romantic and unrealistic idea as well and therefore I believe in it) will allow me to be alone and not alone at the same time, because my soulmate is/will be a part of myself and therefore will not be someone whom I feel like I constantly have to impress or attend to, which is how people often make me feel. I haven't been here in a while because I've been writing a ton of words in other places and trying to make myself feel like I've accomplished something, when all that I've really done is pretty much nothing.So these are my thoughts this week: nothing I think ever makes any sense; I want to have kids because oh god they are wonderful but what if I never get married because I am a disaster and nothing I think ever makes any sense?; I want to finish my fucking novel; I am terrified to return to school because it is going to be a shitton of work that I'm not ready to do; I cuss too much in my mind and use too many semicolons. And a ton of other things I don't want to admit on the internet because I spill enough of my mind here already.
