They had lights inside their eyes

They had lights inside their eyes

Somewhere in the deep dark depths of my mind I like to think that models have insecurities too.  I've always envied girls with a small group of best friends that they do everything with and even start to dress a little bit like and now I think maybe I've got that and it's really nice but also slightly smothering.  Why does it take tea so long to get to a drinkable temperature?  I want a boyfriend.  But don't tell H because I don't want him to be right.  That's silly, isn't it?  I only have five more days of classes before reading week and finals.  And two weeks till I'm home for winter break.  This first semester has gone by so fast.  And things have changed so much.  It's so strange, isn't it, how fast things change?  I feel like that's something that I say all the time.

We are shining and we will never be afraid again

We are shining and we will never be afraid again

October is over and so is my honeymoon phase with college.  I'm not unhappy exactly, but I have more unhappy moments than I used to.  I miss my doggies and my little sister and I miss Italy.  That's so strange, isn't it?  I feel like travelling.  I'm going to Seattle for Thanksgiving with Rachel and Kevyn and Isabelle, and I want to take my film camera with me.  Is that the most impractical thing ever?  It's been sitting in my desk drawer since I moved in, and I miss using it.  I'm still sad about my last roll coming out blank.

I've taken this new, or maybe old and renewed, interest in old books and old photographs, and I wish I was home so I could pull out our family history album again, and I really want to look at those old Dickens books we have in the attic.  I'm tired here, all the time.  I really wish my roommate wouldn't slam the door.

I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat

I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat

I'm not sure I could handle it if that baby turns out to be Justin Bieber's.  It's like that line from "27 Dresses," about feeling like you just found out that your favorite love song was written about a sandwich. Sometimes life sucks and everyone is cynical and is it really so bad that I want to believe that someone is really what they claim to be?

I have a lot of work this week, a lot of reading and noveling and paper-writing to do, but I like weeks like this, because they make me tired, and I can sleep at night when I'm tired.  When I'm here, I get up in the morning and have real breakfast and sometimes I have to go to bio but I can deal with it because I know that I'll probably be able to sleep at night.

My nano novel is going well, as in it's day 7 and I'm keeping up with the word count, but I don't want to jinx anything.  I have a paper due this weekend, and Thanksgiving's coming up, and a zillion other things are happening, but I really hope I finish.  Mostly just so I can say that I did.