The sun made stripes of shades

The sun made stripes of shades

I tend to only blog when I'm upset or bored, but I want to blog right now because I'm happy.  I've had two good days in a row, which will hopefully be followed by two more good, although slower, days.  Sometimes I really hate it here, and sometimes I really love it, and I really want the times that I love it to make up for the times that I hate it.  This is a feeling that I have trouble holding onto, and I want to record it so that I can try to remember it later.

On the broken radiator

On the broken radiator

There is snow outside my window and I laughed a lot tonight and things are good, except I haven't really figured out how to tell my roommate's boyfriend to gtfo because I want to go to sleep, and I haven't figured out how to dress for this weather or how to talk to people or what it means when someone speaks to me directly by name even though I've barely spoken to them before.

And also I want a boyfriend but I'm not sure why, and I think it might be because my roommate has one and I feel like she's slipping away from me a tiny bit every day, and because I don't know how to act around him, and because I don't have to impress him but I want someone of my own to impress, and because I don't want someone who is nice to me all the time but someone who is kind to me and interested in me and wants to spend time with me and is okay with who I am.

So really I'm at that point again where things are settling and I really just want something to happen, I guess.

She always belonged to someone else

She always belonged to someone else

I'm going back to school in two days and I am not ready, not ready, not ready.  I'm really happy here at home with my giant watercolor notebook and my Netflix and my tumblr.  But I know that if I never leave the house then I'll never experience anything or go anywhere or anything and the happiness will expire and I'll never be able to get it back.  Or something.

I don't have anything else to write right now, but at 1 AM this morning I finished The Fault in Our Stars and all I wanted to do was blog about it and talk about it and then today happened and I only saw my sister for five minutes and so I haven't had a chance to ask her if she's finished it yet.  Tomorrow is my last day of break and I don't know what to read next.  Those two things go together in my mind.

Someway baby, it's part of me, apart from me

Someway baby, it's part of me, apart from me

I just watched "The Breakfast Club" and I'm feeling sort of iffy about the ending and it's nearing 11 so I know I should go to bed soon.  But I'm here blogging because I want to paint or write or something, or something, so really I'm just feeling antsy, because I know I only have a few more days at home and it's sort of scaring me that I don't want to go back to school.  There's nothing for me at home, really - I'm just wasting time.  But I'm enjoying wasting time, and I'm not bored even though I swore I'd be, and I'm not sure I'm ready to go back to being productive.  There are so many more movies I want to see, and I want to finish "Numb3rs" and read a million more books and go through my dresser drawers.

I miss my friends.  I do miss them.  But Reed is so much a bubble, and just thinking about it makes me feel a little bit claustrophobic.  So I guess I just don't think about it?  I'm sure everything will be fine once I'm there.  It has to be.  Five more months and then summer, and then repeat all over again.   I'll just have to find some ways to make next year significantly different from this year, so I don't get stuck in this monotonous thing like I did in high school.

Tomorrow I'm having lunch with Simone, which I'm trying to stop worrying about, and I have to buy fishing line and finish my mobiles and figure out what to do with the last one and why is it tripping me up so much?