Everyone wants to hear their story told

Everyone wants to hear their story told

This guy with extremely blue eyes sits kind of across from me in government, and a few times today I looked up and thought he was looking in my direction, although of course he wasn't doing any work and so he was probably just zoning out somewhere, but anyhow my point is that it's completely unsettling because his eyes remind me of Matt Bomer's and also of the blue in a crayon box.  It's raining again, and it was absolutely freezing today, which is also kind of unsettling, but in a good way because I think it keeps me awake.  I have so much to do this weekend but I spent tonight writing instead, which makes me feel good and accomplished and like I'm not actually wasting my time and putting off things that I should be doing. 

I think someone was in my closet today, and I only think that because the doors were switched from how I always have them.  But there's always the possibility that I accidentally closed them wrong this morning before I left for school, which is another unsettling thing, kind of like when I forget to put my contacts in or try to open the wrong locker.

I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow. 

Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds

Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds

I have a headache that won't go away, and people are dying on the other side of the world.  I read three books this weekend, went to the movies, finished all my homework, hung out with my friends like I never do.  I ran outside after the rain and finished a roll of film, started crocheting a scarf, began writing a new story.  If it rains again this week, I'm going to be glad for it, if only because my car needs a bath.  I should go to bed early tonight but I know I won't.  I wish there wasn't so much I wanted to do, but I guess then I'd be nothing, or no one.     

I ran out of film right before I noticed the reflection of the trees in the gutter, so I took a bunch with my digital, but I feel like it distorts the color.  Real life is so much brighter than anything a camera can give me.    

But my heart told my head this time no

But my heart told my head this time no

Today Gilly and I bought Mom a carrot cake for her birthday, which she will have to eat by herself because none of the rest of us like carrot cake.  Tomorrow we're going out to breakfast and to the movies, and it's a four day weekend.  I have so many projects to do, and I'm going to "Macbeth" on Saturday night, and trig is hard and I hate it, but I've been writing a lot lately and it's been distracting me from forthcoming college rejections.  I like the way the pen feels on the paper and I think that's the root of it, it makes me feel accomplished, and I think that's why everything I write by hand is so much better than what I type. 

Me and this blog are growing apart.  I can't finish a post, and I can't sleep through the night. 

We got older but we're still young

We got older but we're still young

Tonight I watched three movies with E and I made three bracelets and went to Yogurtland.  We talked a lot about the rut that is second semester of senior year and what's going to happen next year and a bit about deleting people on facebook and how refreshing that feels.  I think I'm getting a cold but that's okay because today was a good day and hopefully tomorrow will be too, even though I'm going out with my mom and my sister and that usually turns into a lot of snapping at each other. 

Right now I'm listening to music that I haven't heard in a long time and my nose is running really badly and it's annoying and I should probably go to bed soon but first I'm going to wash my face and write and I feel okay right now, happy I guess, and I don't want to go to school on Monday, but the good thing is that Monday's still two days away. 

Is it weird that I still know all the words to several Fall Out Boy songs? 

It's not a silly little moment it's not the storm before the calm

It's not a silly little moment it's not the storm before the calm

I don't know what's wrong with me lately but I haven't slept all the way through the night in two or three weeks, except for Friday nights and sometimes Saturdays.  I keep waking up between one and four in the morning, and looking at the clock and rolling over and going back to sleep, but in that one second that I look at the clock and comprehend that it's too early to get up, my brain turns back on and it's going and going and going and then it's hard to fall back asleep again.  Usually it's stress that keeps me awake, but I'm not stressed.  I'm just... not.  I have barely any schoolwork and no apps to worry about and I've mastered my car, although parking's still a pain in the ass, and I have new boots that I love. 

I think I'm just thinking too much.  But I shouldn't have to sacrifice my sleep so that I can think.  Opportunity costs economics Karl Marx government is boring so is psych we never do any work I miss work what is wrong with me I wish I was Veronica Mars or Eleanor Roosevelt although I'd definitely go by Ellie I miss Ellie it was really nice of her to help me with math today, etc.

I need a nap.

And I don't know why

And I don't know why

There's this poster of Mark Twain on the wall in my English class and from my seat I can see him staring at me out of the corners of his eyes.  Sometimes he looks angry and sometimes he looks like Dumbledore and sometimes, a lot of the time, he's looking at me like what I'm doing isn't really what I should be doing.  I've had a very strange week and things are changing and it's really bizarre to know that things are changing and to watch them change and be totally unresistant to it as opposed to looking back at how things have changed after the fact and regretting it. 

My new classes are strange and I don't think I like them but I'm not really sure yet, and I really want to graduate already, but that's not anything new.  I'm starting to get to this point of almost panic about next year, about being disappointed and so I'm trying to set myself up mentally for not getting everything that I want, because I know the chances and I know they're not great.  But there's still a part of me, a part that'll always be there, I guess, that still has faith that everything will work out perfectly exactly the way I want it.  That's a silly way to think, but I can't help but wonder how things would be if I didn't think that way once in a while.