Roll away your stone I'll roll away mine

Roll away your stone I'll roll away mine

I think I'm predisposed to be pessimistic, or at least realistic, in the sense that people make me sad and I keep expecting the worst from everyone and I can't seem to finish good books because I know they're going to break my heart.  I'm sitting here listening to Mumford & Sons and what I really want to do is go run through fields of daisies and forget about college letters and math tests and Macbeth.  My head is full of the imagery of winter, grays and blues and clouds and long hair and scarves and cold noses and big piles of leaves.  I'm so excited to live where it snows. 

Tonight I went to dinner with my mom at a vegetarian hippie sort of place in Fullerton where she used to go when she was in college.  Then we went to the bookstore and didn't buy anything, and came home and watched "The Romantics", which wasn't very good but was pretty nonetheless and kind of related to Arcadia because isn't that how things work, things in life always relate to what I've read in class?  Just one of those laws of nature, like it always rains when I really don't want it to and math tests are always hard.  Tomorrow Gilly and I are going to the movies.  As much as I'm so ready to graduate, I love this time right now that I get to spend with my little sister and with my favorite fictional characters and with myself.  I like being alone.  Will I ever get to be alone next year? 

I should go to sleep but I know I won't.  Another one of those rules of life.

Tomorrow'll say if you're lost and found

Tomorrow'll say if you're lost and found

Tonight I wasted two hours of my life watching "Iron Man 2" with my parents when what I really wanted to be watching was "Remember Me", which I know has Robert Pattinson in it, but I want to see it anyway because I think he's either really underrated or really overrated, and I think he's just been handed crap parts, and I want to judge him for myself.  But my dad decided to come to Blockbuster with me because he was afraid I'd get lost driving through my neighborhood in the dark (which I suppose is a valid argument) and so we ended up with "Iron Man 2" in addition to my RPattz film, which I will hopefully be able to watch tomorrow night.

But anyhow, now I'm listening to Phoenix and repeatedly refreshing tumblr, and it's just like every other night, because I rarely go anywhere and I rarely do anything, but I guess that's my choice.  I've been thinking today about how one of my friendships is changing a lot lately - or I guess all of them are but I was thinking about this one in particular - because of who I've decided I want to be, and how that doesn't fit in with who she wants to be.  I'm happy with who I am, I think, and I'm happy with how I uphold my morals, but I still can't help but feel like I'm missing out, not just on all that typical cliche teenage stuff, but on having a best friend.  

So I guess what I feel like I don't have in my life right now, other than an A in math class, is someone to tell my thoughts to - and my someone I mean someone who isn't my blog or one of my notebooks and by thoughts I mean that I think I've got another pointless crush and I really want to watch "Remember Me."  

Lost lost lost lost

Lost lost lost lost

1. Today I got back a bunch of math assignments from the last month, and at the top of one of them, the word "bonjeor" was written inside a little heart.  Sudsy TAs for my math teacher, and she wrote it.  It made me smile, even if she did spell "bonjour" wrong.  I guess it's nice to think that people care? 

2. English was fun today.  English has been fun all week.  Everyone in there is a living cartoon character.  It's such a fun atmosphere.  I don't usually laugh that much anywhere else.  I wish that feeling lasted longer. 

3. I have "Love Lost" by the Temper Trap stuck in my head right now.  The cinematography in the video is beautiful.  And it's so British.  I must say, though, that every time I look at a picture of the band, I'm surprised by the appearance of the lead singer.  His voice doesn't seem to match.  But I guess I do that with every singer and band I hear. 

4. It's almost my birthday.  Today in the car I was talking with my mom about how I'm going to be able to vote for the next president.  Isn't that scary?  I don't trust myself with voting.  It's too big a responsibility.    

5. Not being able to get your necklace off because you've had it on for more than twelve hours and it feels like it's become attached to your skin is really quite frustrating, especially when the clasp is tiny and your hands are slightly wet because you just washed them.

6. "Valentine's Day" was not a good movie, although Ashton Kutcher is quite attractive.  Enough said.  

7. Something I don't understand:  why stars (like the wonderful Ashley Olsen) let themselves be photographed in lingerie (that word is extremely hard to spell) stores, even high-end ones.  Your future children might see that.  Although I guess there are worse things one could do. 

Hold me close my tiny dancer

Hold me close my tiny dancer

I got my permit this afternoon.  It was one of the scariest experiences of my life.  The DMV is like an airport, with a zillion things going on at once, and if you somehow do something you're not supposed to you can get arrested.  And I literally could not understand what the man who was giving me directions was saying.  It was confusing and complicated and there were people everywhere.  And my picture - I look like a convict.  I'm not exactly sure what happened there.

Tomorrow I'm going to finish my history outline in the morning.  Before lunch.  Well, hopefully before lunch.  But probably more like 3 in the afternoon.  But then I will have all Sunday to do my physics lab and work on the Hamlet questions I've been procrastinating.  And then Jason Mraz.  I am so excited for this, I can't even describe it.

Here's something that I've been thinking about lately:  A few days ago, a guy that I know from elementary school added me as a friend on facebook.  He currently goes to the art school that I was supposed to go to beginning sophomore year.  It's sort of weird for me - like, that whole situation with switching schools and then not switching schools and my mom making me see a shrink and still not switching schools was just so weird and almost painful that I've almost just pushed the entire thing out of my head.  I don't regret the decision that I made at all, but it's so strange to see this kid's pictures (and farmville notices) come up in my news feed.  It makes me think about how different everything would've been if I had gone through with it. 

Things that made me smile this week:
1. We watched another one of those videos in art history today.  This one was on Jacques-Louis David.  The narrator is British and dramatic and it just makes me happy.
2. Alison and I spent way to long on this today, laughing and voicing our amazement at what gets created on the internet.
3. This guys in my math class - stupid sophomores, athletes - told us this ridiculous story concerning their near-arrest last weekend when they decided it would be intelligent to speed through the neighborhood upon seeing a cop car driving behind them.  Last night I was reading the local paper and saw a mention of it in the crime section.  "Juveniles detained on suspicion of shooting paint balls at a house."


To bed with me now?  Maybe.

Go on, make a mountain out of air

Go on, make a mountain out of air

Today was one of the most stressful afternoons I've had in a long time.  My history teacher does not know how to communicate.  And today was not the best either.  I hate that I let other people affect my mood.  I can be perfectly happy and smiling and carefree, but if one of my friends is feeling grumpy or angry or is acting bitchy, then I get annoyed and mimic the way that she's feeling.  What I hate even more is that I know that I do this, but I can't control it.  The more I think about it, the more frustrated I get, and then I just end up snapping at everyone who says anything to me.    

I keep typing and backspacing and typing and backspacing.  How is it that I have nothing to say tonight?  I guess it's because I know what I'm thinking - it's weird that my mom doesn't like one of my friends, I think certain people should be nicer, I think freshman girls should check the weather before they get dressed in the morning - but I can't really put it out on the internet for whoever to see.  That's the weird thing about blogging - I don't blog for you, I blog for me, but it's hard to blog for me when I have to sort of censor myself.  Oh, wait, here's something I can say:  I don't want your facebook group invitations.  Yes, you, I mean you.      

Tomorrow is Friday.  All I have to worry about is the drivers test.  And then I'm home-free, or whatever the expression is, for the weekend.  Two days til Jason Mraz!  I had an impromptu dance party to "Dynamo of Volition" about a half hour ago.  He always manages to turn my crappy days around.  :) 

Leaves=Bugs

Leaves=Bugs

Today I was standing at lunch, calmly sipping my juice pouch (yes, I still drink those), when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something fall to the ground. It appeared to be small and black and extremely close to my face - so my initial reaction was to gasp and move backward about four feet. Only then I looked up to see my friends staring at me because I am afraid of falling leaves that disguise themselves as bees.

So that's basically how my week's gone. Everyone is stressed because of the workload and tired because we suddenly actually have to be awake for more than 8 hours at a time. Put stress and exhaustion together and you get a bunch of tense people. Combine that with teenage hormones and constant hunger, and you probably want to steer clear of us. And okay, that's probably an exaggeration, but that's how it felt today. Maybe if every high school student had a John Green bobble head to encourage them in their academic endeavors and provide a bit of entertainment, the world would be a happier place.

Something else that would make me happy right now: finding my pencil case. I bought a new one today, but it's just not the same. The old one was a teal zipper pouch from Borders and it had cute little monsters printed on it. It was basically the cutest thing I've ever seen. Don't laugh, but I used to take it out and put it on my desk and hope other people would notice how cute it was. Okay, laugh. I actually fish for complements for my pencil case.

It's been a strange week. I'm so exhausted, and it was only four days. What am I going to do when we actually have a full week of school?

Unrelated Bits of Text

Unrelated Bits of Text

It's Friday again, friends. Hope you're all doing well.

THE END OF AN ERA

I've been feeling a bit nostalgic about the end of BEDA, especially reading MJ's post for today, and it's not even over yet. I've also been thinking a bit about how I've pretty much chronicled everything I did for the entire month of April. Next year when I wonder, "what did I do last April 17?" I can look it up and see a picture of the Leaning Tower of Books on my dresser. (Speaking of which, it's still there, getting a bit taller everyday.)

THIS WEEKEND

Friday night again.

This is pretty much what my weekend's looking like.
I also have quite a bit of homework to get done after an AP review session tomorrow morning. Then I'm going to a carnival in my neighborhood with some of my friends. Then back to the homework. And blogging and facebook and youtube and all the other things I waste time doing.

A RANDOM PIECE OF HYSTERIA

I just glanced at my iTunes and noticed a song by Santana called "Toussaint l'Overture." You may or may not know that Toussaint l'Overture was a leader of the Haitian Revolution in Haiti in the late 1700s. The song doesn't have any lyrics, so I'm a bit curious about how the two are related.

FUTURE COOKIES

I am eating a fortune cookie. The fortune reads: "A resort area will be part of your next holiday plans." Sounds good to me. I hope future me enjoys herself.
I quite like fortune cookies. I've been to the factory in San Francisco where they have flat ones and chocholate ones and strawberry ones. I haven't tried either but I think the original is probably the best.

Enough tangents for tonight. Have a good Friday evening, guys. See you tomorrow.
:]