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My favorite songs: a(n incomplete) list

me: why are you wearing lip gloss?
gillian: cause i like it.
me: but we're not going anywhere.
gillian: yes we are.
me: at three o'clock. it's ten am.
gillian: just go take your shower.
In No Particular Order
My Beautiful Rescue - This Providence
The Mixed Tape - Jack's Mannequin
One of Those Days - Joshua Radin
Vanilla Twilight - Owl City
Anthem - lady danville
The World Moves Madly On - The Weepies
Closer - Kings of Leon
Twenty Years - Augustana
Crack the Shutters - Snow Patrol
One Red Thread - Blind Pilot
Drive - Incubus
Fight Song - The Republic Tigers
Before the Worst - The Script
Bruised - Jack's Mannequin
Gotta Get Thru This - Daniel Bedingfield
Always Where I Need to Be - The Kooks
Debut - Fortunes Fall
Blue Eyes - MIKA
Fearless - Taylor Swift
Something - The Beatles
The Guy that Says Goodbye to You Is Out of His Mind - Griffin House
Black Tables - Other Lives
Can't Let Go - Landon Pigg
San Francisco - Brett Dennen
Hands on Me - Vanessa Carlton
West Coast - Coconut Records
A Beautiful Mess - Jason Mraz
Assassin - John Mayer
Indigo - Tom Milsom
Sex & Reruns - Matt Duke
Wedding Dress - Matt Nathanson
Sounds of Silence - Simon and Garfunkel
Ohio - Crosby, Stills (and Nash and Young?)
Silly Love Songs - Paul McCartney
Wake the Sun - The Matches
Beautiful Soul - Jesse McCartney
Belt Loops - The Films
Rains in Asia - Jump Little Children
She Is - The Fray
Into the Sunshine - Julia Nunes
(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To - Weezer
Hand In My Pocket - Alanis Morissette
Fairy Tales - JoJo
I Want To Save You - Something Corporate
You and Me - Lifehosue
King Without a Crown - Matisyahu
Name - Goo Goo Dolls
Brighter Than Sunshine - Aqualung
Moondance - Van Morrison
1901 - Phoenix
Don't Forget - Demi Lovato
You Make My Dreams - Hall & Oates

To be added to later, perhaps.
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Maybe I'm Amazed

I am so amazed by artsy indie kids who dress well and take beautiful photographs and upload them to flickr and always look nice in pictures and right coherently incoherent blog posts and have an impenetrable circle of like-minded friends. Also they have macbooks.

Anyhow, merry Christmas and such. In the Jewish tradition we had Chinese food this evening (delivery, of course) and then we watched some movies entitled THE LIBRARIAN. Capitals are necessary here because these movies were sort of Indiana Jones-like with a bit of National Treasure and crap thrown in. And then when we got tired of the movies we each separated into our respective areas of the house.



Personally I think I speak more like the Seattle accent than the LA one. But who am I to judge? And also - even if I click the same size selection for every time I embed a youtube video, the sizes are never the same.

And now I'm having a conversation on facebook with an old Jewish friend about how we spent our Christmases on facebook. And I'm thinking about how absolutely pathetic I'm sounding as I type this out. Oh gooooodnessss.
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Portland and things

Merry Christmas and such. I got home from Portland earlier this evening. My mom and I landed at the airport and I called my dad from baggage claim. He and my sister weren't even at the airport yet so my mom and I stood around for a while. Then my dad, when he arrived, got very tense. He has no patience for bad drivers or stupid people or stupid bad drivers.

I really liked Portland. It was really cold, but I can get used to weather, I guess. I could totally see Powell's becoming my second home. And the people - everyone we met or ran into or bought anything from was just so NICE. I'm not sure I can even really explain that - it was just, like, hi how are you how's your day going can I do anything else for you? And apparently the entire state of Oregon has no sales tax. That's kind of exciting to someone who loves to shop.

As far as the two schools that we saw go - I liked Reed better than Lewis & Clark, but I'm not sure if I liked it enough to want to go there for four years. God, I'm so indecisive. I wish I could just skip college, wake up one morning and have a job and a life and everything.

Othernews: SAT scores gahhhhh. Stupid math. If it were higher I'd be fine. But with that score the way it is right now - college, at least where I'm looking, is a bit of a stretch. Also my nails are really long right now. But I've sort of traded biting them for picking at my cuticles constantly, so those are in a horrible state. Ah, well.

This made me amazingly happy.


Happy holidays. :)
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You can't whisper secrets over the internet

Tomorrow morning I'm leaving for Portland for a few days. My mom and I are going to check out a couple of schools (Lewis & Clark and Reed) and go shopping and hopefully not freeze to death. At least I'm not over on the east coast right now, though; those temperatures are too cold to even think about.

This evening my mom told me that my text message count for the last month was one thousand something. My little sister's count was an astounding two thousand three hundred something. I really don't know how a thirteen year-old sends so many text messages. My sister said something like, "aren't you amazed at my social life?" But then I was thinking about it, and I realized - that's not really a social life. Communicating with someone via text message (or instant message or facebook wall or even skype) isn't the same as talking to someone in person. I have nothing against internet based-relationships, but I just can't comprehend really getting to know someone like that. And not even just romantic relationships - I feel like friendships that are based solely on online communication are missing a key part of their foundation. You can't whisper secrets over the internet, can you?

Anyhow, moving on. Today I went to the mall with Ellie and I bought way too many pairs of earrings. I really love the accessories department at Forever 21. Then I got home and sat around until dinner. I love that - just sitting around. But I know that because I've been sitting around all weekend, as soon as I get back from Portland I'm going to have to really crack down on my homework so I don't leave it till the last weekend of break.

Oh god, I'm already eager for summer.
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Lazy Sunday

G'day.

Michael: i never get something at restaurants that i can make..
Michael: HAHAH
Michael: and a grill cheese ma'm is preteen cooking 101
Me: yeah thats what my dad said
Me: but i like grilled cheeses
Michael: hmmm ur such a girl
Michael: niavety
Michael: and so esoteric
Michael: AHHAH
Me: esoteric is a good thing
Michael: oh
Michael: well it sounds bad


Last night I picked up my guitar for the first time. I spent about two hours with two different tuners tuning it, and I'm not totally sure if it's in tune, but I guess it doesn't have to be perfect. Then I watched some videos on fingering and frets and vocabulary and things like that. Alison explained chord charts to me and helped me with a c major. But it still sounds - off to me. Maybe my ears are just off? Anyhow, now I'm watching Greg Holden videos (I really do love him) and watching his fingering as he plays. The whole concept of changing chords while you're playing sort of mystifies me. Hopefully that will become clearer eventually?



Oh, Julia Nunes, why must you come to LA on a Thursday?

Today was a pretty lazy day. After the craziness of cookie baking yesterday, I slept in until around 11:30 then just lazed around the house for a while. Later on I watched "Say Anything," which I'd never seen before and really loved, then I went out to dinner with my dad. I love these quiet evenings where I don't have anything I have to do. Not having school tomorrow has just put me in such a great mood.

I really should repaint my nails.
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Winter break, finally

Tomorrow morning I'm getting up and cleaning the kitchen, scrubbing the counters, everything. Then a bunch of people are coming over and we're making cookies, cookies cookies. Then I'm cleaning the kitchen head-to-toe again. I like cleaning, sort of. At least, I like when things are clean.

This week at school was hell. But again, (and I'm sure I'll keep saying this) I shouldn't be complaining because it was my choice to take all these ridiculous classes. But I hate this. I hate school right now. I've never exactly liked school, and this isn't as bad as a few years ago when I actually seriously dreaded going to school... but I feel like if I liked my classes, the entire experience of junior year would be so much better. And instead, it's project after project, pointless assignment after pointless assignment.

And on top of that - I just feel like everything is sort of intensified this year, because we're all so stressed and running on so little sleep and stretched so thin that our emotional balances are all out of wack. I'm having issues with my friend right now, or lack thereof, etc. And it seems like "I'm really busy" or "I have a lot of homework" are really overused excuses right now.

I am so, so, so ready for this break. Three days in Portland, lots of sleep, seeing my friends. Hopefully catching up on tv and reading and... I just miss not having that constant nagging feeling that I need to be doing something. And it's totally gone right now, because I know that I don't have to go to school on Monday. That's an amazing feeling.

So moving on. I really dislike facial hair on high school guys. It just, like, freaks me out. I'm not even sure if this is something I can explain. It also freaks me out whenever I see anyone I know or have seen around school driving a car. It's probably some psychological aversion to growing up or something like that. But I'd rather hang out with Peter Pan than with some bearded guy any day.

Anyhow. I spent this evening at my friend's house pre-baking for tomorrow. Then I came home and my dad and I rifled through the fridge for a few minutes before deciding there wasn't any food in the house. He made me a grilled cheese, with actual cheese - all we ever have is American cheese, in its little pre-wrapped slices, but we had an actual block of cheddar. Then I went on skype for a bit with Dynahlee.

And now I should probably go to sleep. Happy winter break!
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Part 2

Here are all the things that you can't do.

You can't tell your friend that sometimes you wonder what she's thinking when she gets dressed in the morning. You can't tell your friend that sometimes you want her to just shut the hell up. You can't tell your friend that her essay makes no sense and isn't anywhere as good as yours.

You can't complain about your parents when you know that you have it so much better than anyone else. You can't admit to wondering what would happen if suddenly you just weren't here anymore, suddenly you did something so unlike yourself just to shock everyone. You can't say that you haven't had a crush on a guy in a long time because you've invented this fairy tale guy in your head who you're pretty sure doesn't exist at all.

You can't not do your homework, because that's not like you and that's just not what you do. You can't tell your friends just how much you worry that they don't like you. You can't tell them how much the words "you just don't understand" hurt, and you can't tell them that you're scared to death of being alone at school, at home, in life. You can't tell them that you're scared of failing and of not being able to do something right the first time and of not being able to communicate what you're thinking. Even though you know that everyone else is just as insecure as you, you can't let on that you are, because then everything will just crumble down around you.

And most of all you can't say that sometimes you just wish that that would happen, that everything would just fall apart, because then you could start again, do it all again, bypass all the not telling, not saying this time.
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Part 1

Here's why I hate high school.

It's cliched. It's a John Hughes movie but instead of ending it just keeps on going. You have to want to be like everyone else or else something's wrong with you. You have to want that happy ending and you have to wear Ambercrombie even if you don't know how to spell it and you have to always always always complain about the food unless it's pizza or someone else's mother made it. Or else you have to be different, but in that cool hipster sort of way that's so weird it's fashionable. And if you're that, you have to make it look effortless, you have to be fashionable without trying, you have to wear your dirty converse and preach your indie gospel.

If you're in the first category, you have to always be peppy and happy and you have to be witty and collect lots of facebook friends. If you're in the second category, you also have to be witty, but your facebook page has to convey a i-don't-care-screw-conformity attitude. So you shouldn't fill out the info boxes on your profile page, you should use really artsy profile pictures, and you should limit your statuses to either really funny things you randomly think of because you're just fabulous, or undecipherable song lyrics.

But no matter what you do, you have to have amazing friends to back you up all the way, because no matter who you are, people are going to judge you. And as hard as you try, you can't just not care what other people think. That's stupid movie crap, because teenagers, no matter what, they care. And that sucks, because you're going to get hurt and good friends are hard to find and harder to keep and sometimes nothing makes sense and you end up writing long rambling blog posts with lots of conjuctions.

Also I hate the homework. But that's beside the point.
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Je suis desolee

I just had a conversation with someone I haven't talked to for a very long time, complete with smiley faces and exclamation points. Oh god. I feel - okay yeah I know this is going to sound stupid - like my middle school self and who I am now are crashing into each other and are getting very confused. And I have a feeling this is going to bring up a lot of old crap. Or bring it up to right below the surface where it'll hover for awhile while we ignore it. It's strange. Yeah, it's strange.

Anyhow, now for my excuses for why I haven't blogged in a few days. Umm. Yeah. Okay. See I've basically been in a crappy mood. School is getting harder, which I sort of knew was going to happen... But I'm not going to complain about it because I know it's my own fault; I'm the one who picked these stupid classes in the first place. And also I'm having some friend issues which I'm not going to go into but basically I'm a horrible person and I make it impossible for people to get along with me.

I'm not expecting this weekend to be much better, partially because I have tons of homework and no time to do it, partially because my extended family is here for Chanukah and that's just one big ball of tense energy, and partially because I am just so frigging tired I haven't really felt like being happy lately.

Although I must say that this just made me laugh out loud. Thank god for the internet.

And a little anecdote: this evening I was watching Half-Blood Prince (blu-ray on the 72 inch, yay) with my family, and I was thinking about how much I love Harry Potter. And then I started thinking about how amazing it would be to be able to wipe my mind and read the books again. I can't remember how I felt when I was first discovering them, but I imagine it was amazing.

<3
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Summer's really far away

Oh right, blogging. That's that thing that I'm supposed to do everydayish. Hello.

Today Alison sent me a very ecstatic text message about VidCon and then I watched Hank's new video and got very ecstatic myself. So somehow in the last hour or so I developed summer plans. Totally up in the air, not definitive, maybe I think we totally should plans, but still plans. It's exciting.

Then I told my friend Megan from Baltimore about it, and I said she should come out to California for it since we've been trying to get her out here for a visit anyway. If she could come that would basically make my summer. So, yay.

I also made basically no progress on my Scarlet Letter essay, so tomorrow night's really going to suck, because I'm going to have to crank out the whole entire thing. But really that's my own fault, so I'm going to attempt to not complain about it. Or the art history chapter I'm going to have to finish up. I hate art history chapters, they take forever. Ugh.

And today I learned that I'm basically not getting a winter break. Two days in Oregon to visit colleges, but besides that, I have three projects to get done. But Chanukah starts this Friday. I like Chanukah.

And now I must return to the Gothic period and exam the architecture of several churches that all look the same. G'night.
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Moderate the noun or moderate the verb?

Unrelated title there for you.

This morning I woke up, wondered why it was so cold, then saw my mother standing over me looking grumpy. Then she said something and I mumbled something back and then she left. About ten minutes later, I got out of bed and got dressed in the dark like I do every morning. Then I went downstairs, where it was absolutely freezing. Twenty minutes later, I got in the car, where it was absolutely freezing, then a little while after that I got out of the car, where it was absolutely freezing.

At school, I shivered in the absolutely freezing for a while before I went into class. And that's basically how it was for the rest of the day - inside warm, outside cold, later rinse repeat. Finally school got out and I came home and did my homework. Then I ate dinner, did my homework, checked my facebook, took a shower, wrote this post. And now I'm thinking about how this homework-eat-sleep routine is becoming pretty regular for me, and I don't like it.

I haven't played farmville in two days. Now luckily I planted things that aren't going to die for a while, but I feel a little bit strange about not checking it, waiting for whatever I'm growing to be done.

Oh my god, I am ridiculous. And, you guessed it, absolutely freezing. (Also sleepy and grumpy and goofy and sneezy and thinking about Snow White and also that scene in one of the Harry Potter films where Hermione tells wrong that he has the emotional range of a teaspoon.)

I think it's time for bed now.
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Today's Sunday but tomorrow isn't

Dynahlee told me I should write my post tonight on how amazing my dad is and how lucky I am that I don't have to live with her parents. But I'm not going to do that, because then I'm going to get totally sappy and go on about how much I wish she didn't have to deal with any of the stuff that she deals with, because she's amazing and doesn't deserve any of it.

So instead today I'm going to talk about the contents of my brain. The things inside my head include, but are not limited to, thoughts about:
1. My name. Like, if I were named Madison I would go by Mad, or if I were named Jim I would go by Jungle Jim.
2. The future. Like, when I'm 21, or when I can drive, or when my hair gets three inches longer I will do/be _____.
3. Facebook profile pictures. Some people just have gorgeous pictures. I really can't even describe how jealous I am of that.
4. My own stupidity. See thought #3.
5. Things that make me sad. Specifically, the Civil War and the attack on Pearl Harbor. Also, Darfur, the ending of "The Notebook.

Those are basically the things that I've been thinking about for the last hour or so. These contribute to my lack of focus when it comes to homework and blog post writing. And my lack of focus within my blog posts. And due to that lack of focus, I am about to abruptly change topics.

Tomorrow is Monday. Like every other person on planet Earth, I do not like Mondays. I have in the past even focused an entire post on how much I hate Mondays, so I don't need to repeat all that. But I sort of would rather not have weekends at all, because knowing that Monday is right around the corner just makes them so much more unenjoyable. (Firefox says unenjoyable isn't a word. But it is. I think?)

So, I hope you had a good weekend. And a good week to come!

PS Look to the right! It's a pandora box! Yay. :)
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Title Goes Here

I guess I should blog before I go to bed? I suppose today can be a list day. So, commence list of random things:

1. It is freezing in my house right now. I feel you should know that.
2. The SAT was really not as hard as I was expecting, which is a relief, I guess.
3. I didn't get as much homework done today as I wanted to. Tomorrow night is going to be stressful.
4. I realized that it's been 6 months since the beginning of summer, almost. That's so strange to think about. Stupid nostalgia.
5. I really want to stop biting my nails.
6. I feel like this list needs to be 10 things long. I've got to come up with some more things to put on it. My life is boring when I write it down.
7. It snowed in Baltimore and my friend sent me pictures. I wish it would snow here.
8. I'm excited for HBP on dvd. And DH trailer!
9. That reminds me - I never saw "Where the Wild Things Are." Humph.
10. "Don't Stop Believing" just came up in pandora. I think this is a good place to end tonight's post.

Goodnight. :)
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Teenage Angst and Stuff

I've been trying to think of a clever blog intro thing for a while, and it's just not happening. So I'm just going to start a bit rambly, alrighty?

So I didn't blog last night. I had a zillion hours of homework, which I was not able to start as soon as I got home from school because our carpet was being (loudly) cleaned. We couldn't go upstairs because the carpet was wet, so I was confined to the kitchen. I sat at the counter and did my math homework, and my mom sat at the table and read a magazine, and my sister sat on the couch and read a book. Then my dad arrived and sat on the fireplace ledge thing and talked on the phone. Loudly. As you can imagine, it was a very productive evening. (Note sarcasm.)

Tomorrow I'm taking the SAT. Then homework, volunteering on Sunday, and more homework. Fun weekend. (More sarcasm.)

Right now I'm on skype with Dynahlee and she's mouthing the words to "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You" and dancing like a creeper. Now I want to watch "10 Things I Hate About You."

But back to this week. Fueling the gossip mills right now are guys-asking-girls-to-formal-in-cutesy-ways stories. I love things like that normally, but there's this "why don't I have a boyfriend?" flu going around lately. One of my good friends now has a boyfriend, and no offense to her, but she's not exactly who we'd expect to be the first of our little group. That sentence was worded weirdly; hopefully you know what I mean?

Anyhow, I'm being all stupid teenage girl and I just want someone to ask me to formal. I feel like that girl in "Sixteen Candles," minus the cutesy happy ending and red hair. But I'm being silly and I want that happy ending. Gahhh, teenage angst and stuff.

And now I shall be off to continue talking to Dynah and to finish this "25 things about me" tag note on facebook and to hopefully maybe I doubt it go to bed early tonight. Happy Friday.

PS I hear it snowed in Houston. I want snow. I think.
PPS Apparently I'm now doing BAAD instead of BAD. My bad. /lamejoke
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The Future?

Guys, today I made a discovery. (It has nothing to do with the fact that I might be listening to Relient K right now. Don't judge. Pandora operates without my consent.)

I think that needs more emphasis. A DISCOVERY. I decided what I want to study in college. Well, sort of.

See, I've always known that I like writing and I like reading and I don't like math. But tonight I was reading about Lewis & Clark University in Portland, Oregon, where everyone likes what they're studying, and they like learning for the sake of learning, not because they need a degree to get a job to make money. And that is exactly the kind of college student/person I want to be: someone who enjoys their homework because it's on something that they like.

So I was reading about all these happy people and their beautiful campus with its beautiful trees and I started thinking about all the things that I love and want to make out of a career. (Sadly, Nerdfighting isn't exactly a career.) I've determined these things to be creative writing, English, history, and architecture.

Obviously I can't major in all of them - and my mom told me that architecture majors might be a bit rare at small liberal arts colleges - but somehow I suddenly feel like I have a direction, or close to one maybe, and that's a good feeling.

My mom and I are going up to Portland over winter break to look at schools, and while I'm not exactly that excited about going to college and moving away from home and all that, I'm already anticipating absolutely loving Portland. It sounds gorgeous and bookish and it's on a river, for goodness sake. I mean, just look at this or this. I love it already.

Happy second day of December!
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Possibly bad at BAD

Kate the Awesome has taken on the weight of BAD this month, Blog All December. I'm going to attempt to do this with her because, as noted, she is Awesome, but I may have to resign myself to BAAD, or Blog Almost All December. We shall see, my dears.

I'm not going to attempt to write extremely coherent posts, as by the end of 6th period everyday I'm usually totally drained of any coherent thoughts I may have possessed. So December is going to be a sort of journal entry month, with some lists thrown in there, possibly.

To start us off, some thoughts on my pants.

The left knee of my jeans has a giant rip. (And yes, I bought them like this. I know, "how much did you pay to have someone else rip your pants for you?" and all that.) This giant whole, which is not totally open as denim fiber spans its open space, seems to be growing. One possible reason for this is that I like to sit cross-legged/Indian style in my desk chair since it has no arms and isn't particularly comfortable otherwise. But besides that, these are on of my favorite pairs of jeans, so they get washed at least once a week, usually. That can't be helping either. I guess if the knee completely rips open then I buy a new pair? Or possibly a patch.

I noticed a minute ago that my one-year anniversary on Blogger was two months ago. I figured I should point it out, although actually it makes no sense, as my blog has posts on it from January of 2008. Hmm. Oh, I see now. My October post says I just transferred my blog from elsewhere. Okay.

In other news, I have failed NaNoWriMo most efficiently. I wrote about 600 words the first day, a horrible start, and then on November 2, I decided that what I'd already written was crap and so I started again. I got about 10,000 words into that before I took about a 3 week break. Then on the day before Thanksgiving, I looked at my calendar and decided I could totally write 40,000 words in 5 days. I wrote 5,000 words that night, and now my novel sits at 15,000 words. I never realized how many words 50,000 is until I tried to write that many.

Emerson's "Self-Reliance" is calling to me, or rather my English grade is, so see you tomorrow, I should hope.
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Getting back on the horse or the bike or something like that.

So... This feels a bit strange. I haven't exactly blogged much lately. How are you? Who are you? Are you still out there?

I'm still here. Chugging along and such... that made me think of the Little Engine that Could. I wish I were the Little Engine that Could. Anyhow.

I'm taking pain-in-the-butt classes. I only really like one of them, my English class, which is really small and cozy and the teacher's a kick and it's not too hard or too easy. I have it 6th period so it's a really great way to end the day. But the rest of my classes are boring or difficult or just plain a waste of time. I really look forward to the weekends, and then they go by really fast and suddenly it's the week again. On top of all that, I'm supposed to be prepping for the SATs and looking at colleges and doing driver's ed. I have made zero progress on all three of those fronts.

Besides school, I'm basically really great. I know I never really talked about my whole summer-at-Yale thing beyond saying that I met some really amazing people, but I think the entire experience really helped me grow as a person. I don't want to be cheesy and sappy, but - okay. Let me put it this way. In the past few months I've gone to a concert, a Nerdfighter event, and antique shopping, without my parents, in places that I'd never been before, and I had absolutely no fear of that. That used to be my first instinct - like, don't talk to strangers, hold your wallet really close the entire time. So, this is a good thing, I suppose.

In other news, I discovered that I really like acoustic guitar players named Matt. These include Matt Nathanson and Matt Duke, among others. Also, I am epically behind on NaNoWriMo. I keep telling myself I'll catch up this weekend, and then I have so much to do and I just don't. I honestly don't think I'm going to finish, but as I don't like my novel or where it was going anyway, I'm not that broken up about it.

I've also decided that I really want to learn how to play the guitar. But I really don't have time to take lessons and I don't know if I have enough patience to teach myself, like my friend is doing, or actually the musical talent required to do so. It's sort of irrelevant at the moment, anyhow, as my mom said she won't take me to look at guitars until after I get my learner's permit. And I honestly don't see that happening anytime soon.

And now it's almost midnight, so I should be heading to bed so I can get up tomorrow and somehow miraculously finish all my homework before I have to meet with a group for APUSH so we can color. Have I mentioned how much I cannot wait for the year to be over?

- Natasha
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...

The idea of doing NaNoWriMo scares me.
I know if I don't finished I'm going to feel like I've failed.
Failing already before even starting.
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Conversations Part 3

8/2/09
via skype im
Me: night
Ali: gnight
Ali: THE G IS SILENT.
Me: right
Me: like gnome
Me: or gnerd
Ali: hahaha
Ali: lawl
Me: Is that your interpretation of your cat noise?
Ali: MROW. GNIGHJT.

8/9/09
via facebook comments regarding this photo


Megan (on the left in the picture): i could sooo be a model in this picture ;D
Me (on the right in the pciture): totally. but me - not so much.
Megan: you look like a model disguised as a waiter holding an invisible tray which is all a cover for you being on a super secret spy mission ;D



regarding another photo which I will not make you look at because it is hideous
Me: oh my goodness gracious. this is hideous.
Megan: not youre best picture... you can see lines under your eyes... where did they come from?
Me: lack of sleep probably. ellie was my room mate - and you guys kept me outside late. just kidding. :] i miss you guys.
Megan: oh my! natasha aren't you the men's lady x] (my version of the opposite of a ladies man)
Me: hahaha what?
Megan: exactly >D

8/14/09
via skype
Ali: I really wanna be an elf.
Me: ...
Ali: Yeah, but like the Lord of the Rings ones, not like the Harry Potter ones.

8/17/09
11:59 PM (although 2:29 AM her time)
Megan: I just like had a mini bowel movement.

8/22/09
via facebook messaging
Michael: ok so ali said
ok
and i said ok wut?
and she said natasha looks like a mouse
and i said uhhh ok?
and she said we shall call her mrs mouse
so idk
haha
Me: i look like a mouse? what?
Michael: nooo i think u look like a armadillo
with a mix of raccoon and tangerine
Me: is that supposed to be better?
Michael: idk u dont like mice?
haha
OOOOH ok so u look like
a koala


8/26/09
via aim
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: my back hurts
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: yoga balls were not meant to be chairs
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: ahhah
dOrEmIdAiSy: bahahaha
dOrEmIdAiSy: you're sitting on a yoga ball?
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: yeah..
dOrEmIdAiSy: oh my gosh
dOrEmIdAiSy: i can totally see you falling off right now
dOrEmIdAiSy: is it pink?
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: it was hot in my room so i got my little desk and went into the living room
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: and i dont have little chairs so i got the yoga ball
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: yeah i fell a couple times
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: hahaha
dOrEmIdAiSy: bahahahaha
dOrEmIdAiSy: so it's pink?
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: yeah its really embarassing when u fall off of these
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: NO
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: its blue
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: haha

8/27/09
via aim
dOrEmIdAiSy: so why would my aunt be a cat?
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: ur aunts a cat?
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: woah..u have a strange family tree
dOrEmIdAiSy: ah dude never mind
dOrEmIdAiSy: you're a cat
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: half if u dont mind
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: ...
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: haha
dOrEmIdAiSy: oh okay then
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: im half american
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: half cat
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: half korean
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: half indian
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: half african
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: half eskimonian
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: half asian
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: half jedi
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: half wizard
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: half intelligent
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: half dangerous
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: preheat oven to 450
dOrEmIdAiSy: way too many halves there
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: wait 2-3 years
dOrEmIdAiSy: you're only half intelligent?
dOrEmIdAiSy: there's your problem
TH3Fart1ngTRUNKZ: HAHAH

9/25
via facebook messaging
Michael: so do u no who gave birth to u?
Me: my mother
what kind of question is that?
Michael: haha i mean the doctor
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Condensed Week

Slightly brain dead. Since I'm not sure I can compose a coherent chronological post, here's a somewhat out of order list of what I did in the last week:

- Saw a girl from my English class driving a car on the road. Freaked out. Stressed over the fact that I don't even have my permit yet.
- Bought a birthday present for my friend that required way more labor than was necessary.
- Realized I am really behind on youtube videos. Like, they don't fit in my subscription box. This is a problem.
- Upped to level 25 on farmville, and got two ugly ducklings.
- Got an A on my first history test.
- Found out that THE WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER is opening in SPRING 2010. Thought really hard about how to get my parents to take me to Florida. Came up with nothing.
- Watched lots of a cappella videos on youtube, mostly of the Duke's Men of Yale and the Yale Spizzwinks(?).
- Decided that this is why I am not a vlogger.
- Wished I had an iPhone. Then wondered what I would do with an iPhone if I had one. Then decided I really don't need an iPhone.
- Got very angry at Kanye, along with the rest of the world.
- Wondered how Taylor Swift did her entire VMA performance in heels.
- Decided a aspire to be a combination of Katy Perry and Pink. With some John Green and Maureen Johnson and Natalie Portman and JK Rowling thrown in, of course.
- Didn't watch "Glee." Don't kick me.
- Read Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery." Felt sick.
- Wished some people a "l'shana tova!"
- Got nowhere near enough sleep and then stayed up late Friday night writing a blog post.

Thank god it's Friday.

- N
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Leaves=Bugs

Today I was standing at lunch, calmly sipping my juice pouch (yes, I still drink those), when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something fall to the ground. It appeared to be small and black and extremely close to my face - so my initial reaction was to gasp and move backward about four feet. Only then I looked up to see my friends staring at me because I am afraid of falling leaves that disguise themselves as bees.

So that's basically how my week's gone. Everyone is stressed because of the workload and tired because we suddenly actually have to be awake for more than 8 hours at a time. Put stress and exhaustion together and you get a bunch of tense people. Combine that with teenage hormones and constant hunger, and you probably want to steer clear of us. And okay, that's probably an exaggeration, but that's how it felt today. Maybe if every high school student had a John Green bobble head to encourage them in their academic endeavors and provide a bit of entertainment, the world would be a happier place.

Something else that would make me happy right now: finding my pencil case. I bought a new one today, but it's just not the same. The old one was a teal zipper pouch from Borders and it had cute little monsters printed on it. It was basically the cutest thing I've ever seen. Don't laugh, but I used to take it out and put it on my desk and hope other people would notice how cute it was. Okay, laugh. I actually fish for complements for my pencil case.

It's been a strange week. I'm so exhausted, and it was only four days. What am I going to do when we actually have a full week of school?
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Nostalgia

My sister's Bat Mitzvah is tomorrow, and her birthday is on Sunday. My baby sister is turning 13. This is so strange - it seems like last week I was 13, flat-ironing the life out of my hair and talking in code with my friends. And it's so weird to think about how I was at that age, just three years ago: I thought I was smarter and more mature than anyone else and I just felt older. You know how you think you're old enough to do anything until you get older and realize how young you really were before? Sometimes I think about how young 16 even is.

So as an 8th grader, my sister's taking a lot of the same classes I did that year, and has most of the same teachers. One of her first assignments in her English class is to write a poem mimicking the style of George Ella Lyon's poem "Where I'm From." (I actually just googled the title because I didn't know the author and found out it's a pretty common assignment for teachers.) I did the same thing as an 8th grader, and my sister's mentioning it inspired me to dig mine out again.

Here it is, for your amusement, and my own:

I am from frozen food,
from Mom’s perfume tucked away in a drawer.
I am from the wind chimes in the backyard,
clinging, clanging in the breeze.
I am from the eucalyptus trees,
< >the tall, skinny monsters that drop diseased leaves;
< >a blanket on the ground that makes me sneeze.

I am from junk food and dieters,
< >from instant messengers and iPods.
I am from the over-achievers
< >and the barely-get-bys.
From eat your veggies
< >and eat your fruit.
I’m from holiday stories of exile,
< >cruel leaders and a few dreamers
and heroes that bring celebrations of Chanukah and Passover,
< >and freedom in the end.

I’m from a strong link in the family chain,
< >one of matza balls and latkes.
From the useless things I learn from my father
< >and the life lessons that might actually do me some good.
Thirteen years have come and (almost) past,
but the memories are strong;
the good times, and the bad,
the headaches and the bouts of laughter with best friends,
the same with there were fights.
It’s these treasured memories and the future to come
that keep me going every day
and which I’m from.


Looking back on it now, I realize that I basically counted the syllables in each line of Lyon's poem and made mine fit that mold. But I was pretty darn proud of it back in the day.

Anyhow, the rest of the assignment was to turn it in anonymously with your baby picture and have the rest of the class guess who wrote it. I always take stuff like that so seriously, like it's my only chance to tell my new classmates exactly who I am and what I'm about, so I have to cram in as much as possible but leave out anything boring. And when I think back on 8th grade, that's how I remember feeling basically the entire year - unsure and uncomfortable and awkward.

I'm glad to be moving past that weird stage, but on the other hand I miss that age. I don't want to sound like your old grumpy grandpa - back in my day we walked uphill in the snow to get to school every morning - but I think things were easier then. It's amazing how much changes in only three years.

- N
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Summer Summary

In honor of the last Friday of summer (sad, I know), I'm making a list to chronicle everything I've done this summer. So here is the good, the bad, and the .

In the past 9 weeks, I:

- Met Sarah Dessen, whom I believe to be one of the most grounded, realistic people out there.
- Met Chris Pine, whom I believe to basically smell better than any human being.
- Dyed my hair and was only slightly disappointed when no one noticed.
- Packed two gigantic suitcases and flew across the country, where I stuffed all that stuff into a room the size of a shoebox
- Made some amazing new friends, visited Harvard and Brown and New York City, and took a picture with a wax figure of Leonardo DiCaprio.
- Mourned the fact that I couldn't be at the Half-Blood Prince premier by sporting a nifty Potter scar on my forehead for the evening.
- Greatly extended my text messaging limit.
- Said goodbye to my awesome new friends and flew home.
- Finally saw Half-Blood Prince with all of my friends. Liked it.
- Saw Half-Blood Prince again with my mom. Better the first time.
- Went to a live PotterCast and my first ever Wrock show, which was a lot of fun.
- Saw The Fray and Jack's Mannequin in concert and fell in love with the whole concert atmosphere.
- Bought tickets for my friends and I to see Jason Mraz in concert in October.
- Got a pair of gladiator sandals I'd been eyeing for a while at a discount because my mom told the sales guy they were cheaper elsewhere and convinced him to mark the price down.
- Attended a 24-hour Relay for Life event to support the American Cancer Society. Didn't stay all 24 hours.
- Hung out with my friends at the park, where I took some pictures I'm really proud of.
- Made the conscious decision (I've always been interested) to learn more about photography.
- Spent 5 very painful days in San Francisco, during which time I was constantly annoyed at my sister for not at least pretending to enjoy the trip, bugged that my mom let my sister come in the first place, and stressed about the college application process after visiting two schools, neither of which I want to attend.
- Played with my little cousins and informed my aunt that I've never seen "Sixteen Candles."
- Wrote a lot of letters to my faraway friends.
- Procrastinated my summer homework.
- Attempted to begin my summer homework. Realized it would take longer than an hour. Recommenced procrastinating.
- Buckled down to actually work on my summer homework. Complained about it a lot.
- Saw "(500) Days of Summer" and loved it. A lot.
- Developed a love for Hall & Oates' "You Make My Dreams."
- Saw "(500) Days of Summer" again and loved it still.
- Bought 3 SAT books. Worked on them for about 10 minutes. Left them open on the dining room table.
- Worked a bit on my "novel." Brainstormed. Took a very long and indefinite break.
- Conferred with my mother about colleges. Fifteen books did not help very much.
- Received a copy of "Sixteen Candles" in the mail.
- Registered for school, at which time I received my class schedule and locker.
- Ate way too much ice cream, although not all in one sitting.
- Realized just how much time differences suck.
- Read not nearly enough.
- Bought way too many t-shirts.
- Got into a faux-argument with a friend on facebook over the merits of Led Zepplin, including the hairstyles of the band members and Robert Plant's thing for JRR Tolkien.
- Listened to "Vanilla Twilight" by Owl City 14 times in a 14-hour period.
- Waited patiently for the mailman. Was disappointed when he didn't bring me any mail.
- Watched the Wizards of Waverly Place movie. Possibly teared up at the end.
- Made a very long list to explain how much fun I had this summer and convey just how much I do not want this school year to begin.

I'd like 6 more weeks of summer, Mr. Groundhog. Are you guys ready for the school year to begin? Hope you all enjoy your last weekend, if you haven't gone back already. And tell me, how was your summer?

(:
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Write Right?

I just clicked the "write a new note" on facebook, and out of the corner of my eye I swear it looked like "write a new novel." And then I panicked for a second. Does it know? I thought. How does it know I haven't worked on my story lately? I am so paranoid.

But really. Is my subconscious trying to make me feel bad for sleeping in, playing battleship and pig for hours over skype, spending way too much time on farmville, doing my english homework, and basically altogether neglecting writing? My subconscious should know that I will write when I want to write. Right?

I honestly don't know how someone who's unpublished and has no motivation (well not no motivation, but you know what I mean) to move forward can get themselves to finish a book. I've never been so dedicated to characters or a plotline that I want to spend hours a day writing it out. How did JK Rowling finish Harry Potter when she could barely keep a job? And that's not a rhetorical question. Have you ever felt so committed to what you're writing that you HAVE to finish it at whatever costs?

And one more question: Have you ever had angel food cake, and how much do you LOVE it? I'm really craving some right now.
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Friends

I'm getting totally out of the habit. I need to fix that.

Anyhow, I've been thinking about friends lately, new ones and old ones and in between. I've never really been successful with long-term friendships. I still talk occasionally with some of the girls I've known since kindergarten, and I carried a lot of my elementary school friendships with me to middle school, but only a few of those still stand today. Eighth grade was basically a craptastic year for me friend-wise, which is pretty much why I started out hating school so much.

And now everything's changed a lot. I have a steady group of friends, and within that group, a few girls who I feel like I really connect with. But my mom said something to me recently about how hard it is to balance three-way friendships, and lately I've been seeing how true that is. The two girls I'm close with are also close with each other, which you'd think would be perfect, but it doesn't always work out perfectly. Just like sometimes a three-way call doesn't go through the first time.

So I had this really great group of friends here at home, and then school ended and I went across the country for three weeks. And while I was there I met another group of amazing people. My issue right now is balancing those. I have a bunch of people who leave right near me that I love a lot but are impossible to get a hold of, and a bunch of people who live across the country that I love a lot but can never see. Sometimes I think everything would be simpler if I was over 18 and had a car. Then I could drive to see my nearby friends and have an easier time seeing my far away ones.

And now I'm basically rambling. Ah well, that's what happens when I think too hard.

(:
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Lots of Thoughts

I have a zillion things running around in my head right now, so I think I'll make a list to at least feign organization. How's that sound?

1. Writing
Kate blogged about writing yesterday, specifically about how tough it is to come up with a character that's more than just an image of yourself. Then she said that she's a plot writer. I thought about that, and I've decided I'm more of a character writer. But what I have trouble with is creating imperfect characters. I think when I write the world I create is somewhat of my dream world, and I want all the characters to be the perfect friends I wish I had, the perfect guys I wish I could date. The problem with that, though, is that I end up with these insanely unrealistic robots.

The thing (story? I can't really call it a novel yet) that I'm working on right now is made up of memories of the main character and I'm trying to use them to piece together who she is in the present. But I haven't mapped out a plot yet (and I actually don't know if I will) so it's just kind of wandering. And I can't commit myself to it enough to want to spend hours a day working on it. I don't know how professional contracted published writers get up enough momentum to work so consistently everyday.

2. Miley Cyrus
A stripper pole at the Teen Choice Awards? Really? God, really? Actually that kind of relates to internet etiquette (okay no it doesn't but go with me here), which is something I've been thinking about. Is it invasion of privacy to read wall conversations when they come up in my Facebook newsfeed? And is it weird to comment on someone's picture if you're not in it or weren't at the event that the pictures are from? How many times can you update your status a day before it gets annoying? Does it bug other people when they get tagged in notes? Does anyone else worry about any of this?

3. Cross-Country Friends
I miss my Yale friends. We've been texting and talking on Facebook and actually sending snail-mail letters, but I don't think anything is as good as really seeing someone everyday. And I keep talking about them or about an inside joke or about something funny that's happened. I'm sure my mom and my sister are tired of that. And my in-town friends probably don't want to hear about them repeatedly either.

4. Books
I just finished This Is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper, and it was really good. It was funny and touching and it had a nice cover. I haven't been reading a lot this summer, which makes me sad because usually I read book after book after book. I have a pile on my dresser that's remained basically untouched since I got home three weeks ago. Hopefully I'll start making my way through them eventually. Although there is that summer assignment to get through...

Decent sized blog post? I think so.

:]
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Why I Fail As A Blogger

I haven't blogged lately. I almost blogged last night - I started typing a few sentences, and then I was like, no, that's lame, and I backspaced a lot. So here's another go.

Maybe I haven't been into blogging because I haven't been doing anything interesting? That's possible. I've been home from Yale for two weeks and in that time I:
- saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince twice
- subscribed to several more youtubers and caught up on all the videos I missed while I was away
- procrastinated my summer homework, college research, SAT prep work, and driver's ed
- attended a live Pottercast and wrock show
- went to a concert featuring the Fray and Jack's Mannequin
- bought several new pairs of shoes
- went to a Bat Mitzvah
- checked out several books from the library
- watched some very bad Disney channel shows
- answered an a-z survey on facebook and took many stupid quizzes such as "what 2009 song are you?" (I'm "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus, in case you were wondering. Also, "what do people first notice about you?" (My smile.)
- stared jealously at beautiful pictures on flickr
- blew bubbles at the park with my friends
- made several people very bored by tricking them into believing my life was interesting even though I clearly stated that it isn't

Asleep yet? Oh, I did that too - slept, that is. Lots of sleep in the past few weeks.

I am going to San Francisco this week; that's slightly interesting, at least to me. We have plans to go to the King Tut exhibit and visit UC Santa Cruz and Stanford. Oh, college. :|

When I was at the park with my friends, I took this picture of Ellie:


It's one of my favorites and I decided maybe it was worth sharing. :)

So here's to a good week, I suppose. I hope it's not too foggy and gross when I'm in the Bay Area.

:]
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EPIC SUMMER Event #4: Pottercast/Wrock

Last week Alison and I went to the Santa Monica library, where we saw a live Pottercast and performances from Darren Criss of starkidpotter and the Remus Lupins. Melissa, John, and Frankie were funny as always as they led a few rounds of Harry Potter pictionary, took comments from the audience about Half-Blood Prince and gave their own opinions. (Though I do have to say that Sue was missed - there was a bit of a lack of Hufflepuff representation in the room.)

It was epically awesome and fun and I'd love to go to wizard rock shows again. Basically how I felt (and still feel) can be summed up in this video. The worst part of the night was the look on my mother's face when she had to sit through the Remus Lupins. They're not exactly quiet.

Picture! Blurry but still fabulous.


Here's a video of Darren Criss from the show. This is basically the angle I was watching from; that might possibly be my shadowy head in the edge of the frame.
(Here's another video from the same night if you're interested.)


:]
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EPIC SUMMER Event #3: Yale!

I briefly mentioned a few days back that I had an amazing three weeks at Yale, met lots of amazing people, and learned lots of amazing things, but I will now expand on that to give a better idea of why I deserted the online word for 21 days.

At Yale, I took classes taught by college students who do not attend Yale but are intelligent nonetheless. Two of the classes, personal essay writing and film studies, lasted the entire three weeks, and I also took two mini-courses in city planning and famous musical scenes. I loved my two main courses, and while my mini-courses were a bit weird and kind of dumb, all the classes were overall a good experience.

I lived on Yale's Old Campus in a dorm for the entire time I was there, which was cool. Old Campus is basically a bunch of buildings around a quad and it was basically the home of the program. Everyday there were a bunch of activities going on on the quad, as well of groups of people just chilling.

The people were basically the highlight of the program. To give you an example of the diversity, my suitemates were from France, and there was also a girl in my living group from Belgium and one from Lebanon. And there were people from all over the country. I made some amazing friends.

Pictures, anyone? Probably more interesting than my yakking.

Playing cards. I learned a lot of new card games. I'm not very good at any of them, sadly.

A bit blurry, sorry. Rubbing the lucky toe of a Yale professor on the quad.

One of my favorite pictures from our trip to the wax museum in New York City. That's Woody Allen.

Four of my favorite people ever: Megan, Ellie, Alex, Megan.

A bit of Yale's gorgeous architecture, and three of my favorite people, waiting for me, of course.
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Conversations Part 2

6/5
via skype instant messaging
regarding sylar from heroes (possibly spoilers if you're not through the first season yet.)
Ali: :(
Me: god dude. don't get all emo on me.
Ali: stop me before I stop myseeeeelfff
Me: Alison. step away from the scissors.
Ali: and the snowglobes?
Me: exactly. those are dangerous.
Ali: BUT I LOVE HIIIIM
Me: but his hair was once shaped like a cereal bowl. and now he's a serial killer.
Ali: whatevs. i'll cure him.
Me: and end up like his mom? surrounded by fake snow and blood?
Ali: NO. i'll mother our adorbale child. i think sylar is gay though. JUST SAYIN. oh wait. he has sex with that one chick. hmmm.
Me: or does he?
Ali: OH DAMN. no he definitely has sex with mohinder. XD
Me: that must be why mohinder was on the ceiling.
Ali: kinky.

6/11
via skype
Ali: Is marshmallow a flavor?
Ali: Actually I think it's a state of being.

6/21
via skype instant messaging
Me: we weren't totally stalking him
Ellie: weeeellll you know its a possibility
Me: haha i suppose
Me: knowing me
Ellie: it's ok, i would totally do it too
Me: well duh
Me: i mean, you've seen him
Ellie: it's chris pine for goodness sake
Me: exactly
Me: he's basically the only reason to watch princess diaries 2
Ellie: OMG, but if it were zach! i would be serenading him on his doorstep!
Me: we will meet him
Me: it's a when, not an if
Ellie: DEFINITELY
Ellie: i wish i could like take him home, he could stay in my guestroom
Me: he could totally come shopping with us
Ellie: OMG YESSS
Me: and give us inside heroes info
Ellie: and he could teach us how to give ourselves sybrows
Me: of course. he's an expert.
Ellie: we could pause heroes at all of his lines and have him do them live
Me: that would be epic
Ellie: absolutely.
Ellie: we could also give him our own suggestions for the show - i bet he has clout when it comes to the scripts
Me: nice sat word there
Ellie: thanks, i thought so
Me: ZEITGEIST

6/25
via skype, while discussing my love of David Levithan's novel The Realm of Possibility
Me: It's written the way that it's thought and it's not over-thought in the way that it's written.

7/22
via text message regarding the epicness that is John Green
Ali: Ahaaa he's listeneing to wizard rock xD
Me: And singing along. John is the epitome of cool.
Ali: For real. He's like the god of nerds. I hope my husband is a mix of him and CPine. I'm jizzing my pants just thinking about it.

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Overheard in a public restroom

Tonight I was in the bathroom at the Santa Monica library (if you could call that giant a library - wow) when I overheard an older woman talking to a twenty-something.

"My third husband, he was a Protestant," the woman was saying, "and he would take me out to the disco and our friends would ask me why I married him. But I didn't know, because it's not like he was great in bed or anything." Meanwhile the twenty-something was drying her hands and smiling and laughing at all the right places and looking around for a quick but polite exit.

I was laughing about it before, but now that I think about it, the humor's in assuming that these two were total strangers - but what if they weren't? What if they were distant cousins, or members of the same book club? How much do you really divulge to someone that you meet in a bathroom?

(And it's also funny how dated and cliched the conversation seemed - her THIRD husband was a Protestant specifically, and he would take her out to the DISCO. I love people.)

And randomly that just reminded me of how much I hate people who talk on the phone in bathrooms. How hard is it to say, sorry, I'll call you back in five minutes? Do you really need to talk so bad that you'll carry on a conversation while you're peeing? Phone mics are loud. I'm sure the person on the other end can hear you flushing the toilet. I hope people don't go to the bathroom while talking to me. Gross. And a bit creepy.

Anywho, I'm working on a report of both my time at Yale and the wizard rock show I attended tonight, to be posted soon. My epic summer must be recorded!

:]
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Hello Again

I've been home for two days already and have yet to blog - I'm sorry. I did miss blogging while I was gone, but I guess not having constant access to a computer was overshadowed by having so much else to do. Yale was amazing, despite lack of Internet access, and I loved everything I did there and everyone I met. And I am now equipped with a Yale t-shirt and sweat pants so I can sufficiently rub the fact that I lived at an Ivy League for three weeks in people's faces.

Basically to sum up my experience, I took classes in creative writing and film and city planning, all of which were interesting, met people from all over the world, visited various East Coast schools, and had an awesome three weeks. I'm going to try to reequate myself with the online world in the next few days and get back into blogging. How's everyone been while I've been gone?
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Goodbye For Now

I'm mostly completely packed, and I'm leaving tomorrow morning to spend 3 weeks at Yale doing academic-y things and not getting a lot of sleep. I don't know how consistent my computer access will be, so I don't know how often I'll be blogging.

So, the ways to follow me in the next 3 weeks:
1. Twitter. I can now tweet from my phone. Confusing, yet useful.
2. Herd of Blog. I've got a post going up every Wednesday.

Hope to be back soon.
:]
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EPIC SUMMER Events #1 and 2

So you might have heard that I'm planning for a pretty epic summer. School got out last Thursday, and my first epic event of the summer occurred Friday night.

#1: MEETING SARAH DESSEN

Sarah Dessen was doing a reading and a booksigning at my local barnes and noble to promote her new book Along for the Ride, so of course my friend and I were there. My mom's membership allowed us to sit in the third row and hop up really quick to get in line when she started signing.

She read a section of the book (if you're interested, it was the same section she read on her youtube channel) and then took questions. I remember her responding to a question about why her characters cross over in her novels; she said it's due to the large amount of requests she gets for sequels, as well as a desire to create an inside joke with her fans.

Ms. Dessen also said something about names, and how sometimes she steals them from people who come through at her book signings. When she signed my books, she told me that she would've named her daughter Natasha had her husband not voted her down. Since my friend's name is Dynahlee, which is unusual, we're hoping to see our names pop up in a future book, maybe.



Oh, iPhone pictures.



#2: FARRAGUT NORTH

Last night my friend Alison and I went to see a play called Farragut North in LA. It was staring Chris Pine, Chris Noth, and Olivia Thirlby, and we were maybe hoping for a little run-in with Captain Fine himself. The play was great: Pine never leaves the stage, which is like a giant screen. Images are shot down on it, and the scenery moves around, and Pine just kind of freezes. I've got to admit that some of the political stuff was over our heads, but it was really exciting nonetheless.

After the show we were standing in the lobby waiting for the actors to come out when Alison suddenly stopped a man who was walking by us. I couldn't really catch what she was saying, but it included the words "my friend Steven" and "would you mind signing this?" As Alison scooted up next to him to take a picture, who he was popped into my head.



That's JJ ABRAMS. THE JJ Abrams, the director of "Star Trek" and the creative mastermind behind "Lost." And I was too stupid to hop into that picture... Can you imagine standing that close to that much genius?

We waited in the lobby for about ten more minutes, and then the actors came downstairs. Alison popped over to Chris Pine right away and got him to take a picture with us.



[For explanation into the ontd_startrek signs, click here.]

As soon as we took that picture, JJ Abrams walked up to Chris Pine, and we watched them have a conversation. WE WATCHED THEM HAVE A CONVERSATION! Since we didn't want to interrupt, unfortunately we didn't get Captain Fine to sign anything.

Okay, I don't know if you saw that. Maybe you need to scan back up the page? Because, yeah, I met CHRIS PINE. And, of course, being me, I was to stupid to say anything.
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Birthdays and Today

Hello. I seem to have adapted some kind of blog-once-a-week strategy. That seems to be working out alright, I think. Any opinions?

BIRTHDAYS

So as I mentioned before, Sunday was my birthday. I was woken up at about 9:30 by my friends standing in my room singing to me. I sat up, muttered, "you guys are insane," and threw a teddy bear at my mother's head. Then I was taken to Hof's Hut for breakfast without being allowed to get dressed.

Now I do have to say that it wasn't a total surprise - a few weeks before my mom had asked me if I wanted her to throw me a surprise party, to which I shrugged. Then she added a disclaimer: "I'm not the kind of person to do that." What I didn't know was that she was going to steal my phone and hack into my e-mail in order to contact my friends and arrange for them to assemble in my bedroom and kidnap me.

It was fun anyhow, although I was a bit annoyed that she hadn't arranged for me to be dressed during my kidnapping.

ERR... STRESS.

Last week I took a scantron test as an entrance exam for AP Language and Composition. The test was difficult, but I finished it in the time they gave us and it wasn't totally impossible. When the list of accepted people went up today, I basically expected to see my student number up there. Don't take that the wrong way, please - I'm not saying that I feel like I'm smarter than the rest of my class, or anything like that; I just felt like I did pretty well on the test. So I was really surprised that my number wasn't on the list, and the numbers of all of my friends were.

So basically I spent the morning texting my mother and stressing out about waiving into the class. At lunch I went to see my English teacher, who seemed confused that I hadn't been accepted, and promptly wrote the AP teachers an e-mail. A half-hour later, she was informed that due to an "oversight," my number had accidentally been omitted from the list.

Ultimately, a day of stress and feeling inadequate all due to someone's typo.

Gosh, I sound like a stuck-up asshole.

DFTBA.
:]
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Catching Up, and Birthdays

Hello there. It's been a while.

Well, it's been a week. But that feels like long enough to go without blogging. (Not that I've been totally gone - catch me every Wednesday and each weekend on Herd of Blog: Textual Confessions of Delicious Ambiguity.)

I've had a pretty good last few weeks. I haven't had much homework, so I'm now all caught up on my TV and actually find myself bored often. Bored, imagine that! I think last summer was the last time I was actually bored, and had nothing that I HAD to do.* So that's been pretty great. Unfortunately now I have to get ready for finals.

I'm slightly suspicious that one of my good friends has forgotten about my birthday, which is kind of hurtful and confusing. She's planning a party for one of my other friends, whose birthday is a few days after mine, but she hasn't mentioned mine at all. There isn't really anything I can do about it, though - it's not like I can say, "hey, what about my birthday?" She either remembers or she doesn't; I can deal either way.**

Fortune cookie!
The best mirror is often a good friend.
So, good friends, do I sound like a complaining bitch, or am I justified in feeling sad about my friend possibly forgetting my birthday?

Hopefully something more interesting to come later in the week.
Au revoir.

* Okay, technically I do have to do driver's ed. But then technically I don't HAVE to do it - I just have to do it to get my license.
** Or, well, I can pretend to deal.
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Conversations

5/12
in comments on Ali's facebook status
Ali: It's been calculated that I've lived 19% of my life. Strange.
Me: So when exactly are you dying? I want your JKR autograph. Kidding. Kinda. ;)
Ali: Well, if you align my life to The Wizard of Oz, I'm at the tornado scene and everything is still sepia. So don't get your hopes up.
Me: hahahahaha
Steven: Only 81% to go
Me: And when that 81% is up, I WANT YO SPARKLY SHOES. Please.
Me: Oops, didn't mean to be all gangster there. Dude, I WANT YO SPARLY SHOESIZZLES!

5/25 to 5/26
via facebook watroom
Ali: I've been thinking about this for the last few minutes and I can't not bring it up: What would you do if you met yourself from the future? I'd totally make out with me. It's actual narcissism, to be sure.
I can't be the only one who has thought about this. RIGHT? hahhahaha
Me: ummm.
Ali: You know you'd be all over that.
Jennifer: i think i would have a really long conversation with my furture me and then go out to eat dinner at Corner Bakery(and eat a monster cookie).
Ellie: i'm pretty sure i'd talk to myself about all of the things i'm way too embarassed to talk to people outside of my head about. Like what would i do if i met my future self. I'm pretty sure i'm the only one who would really understand my convaluted thoughts.
Taylor: that would be sorta creepy... especially if the future me had a different personality... but id probably do the same stuff that ellie said
Ellie: why would the future you have a different personality? And even if she did, don't you think she could still relate to yours since it had once been hers? Whoa my brain just kinda shortcircuited

5/27
via facebook instant messaging
Ellie: hank's awesome.
Me: completely.
Ellie: like i know we're all essentially made of awesome
Ellie: but his awesomeness is awesome
Me: hahaha yeah
Me: hank is made of extra awesome
Ellie: definitely
Ellie: its like someone put a bunch of extra chocolate chips in the hank and john cookies
Ellie: wow that was lame
Ellie: but you get the point

5/28
David: Which would you rather have, eggs or watermelon?
Michael: What? Huhhhhhh?
Me: That doesn't work.
David: Just pick.
Me: You can't compare eggs and watermelon.
David: Just pick!
Me and Michael: Watermelon!

5/29
Ali: Geocaching gear?
Me: Yeah, how to buy a GPS.
Ali: I think I saw a news thing about that - they have, like, these handheld devices.
Me: Yeah, GPS's.
Ali: Oh.

Ali: The stuff on SkyMall is so cool and useless.
Me: Like the NeckPro Traction Device?
Ali: I don't even know what that is.
Ali: Oh. Wow.
Me: I can't even tell what it does.
Me: I looked at it and I was like, is that a jockstrap?

5/31
(only more like 5/30 because it was really early in the morning)
via skype
Ali: The other day I went on facebook and the first thing Briana typed to me in the chat was "can you imagine Steven with boobs?" And I said yes.

6/1
via skype instant messaging
regarding a picture of Zachary Quinto from the MTV movie awards where a circle visible in his back pocket looks like a condom
Me: he tweeted it
Me: well not the condom, the picture.
Ali: omg really? hahaha
Ali: it's pretty awesome
Ali: hahaha his pants are so tight.
Me: dude they are.
Ali: LMAO he probably saw the comments about the condom XD

regarding Audrina Patridge, rumored to be dating Chris Pine
Me: captain fine can do so much better than her.
Ali: ewwwwww. she's denying that they're together thought. one night stand? UGH.
Me: oh god, I hope not. the thought of that kind of makes me cringe.
Ali: chyeah, he's better go to a clinic.
Me: hahahahaha
Me: or borrow zach's back pocket condom just in case.
Ali: pahahahahahahaha.

6/2
via skype
Ali is eating a yam.
Me: How's your yam?
Ali: Pretty bitchin'.

And one more.
Unfortunately not one that I'm part of.
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Open Letters

Inspired by Hank Green. :]
And inspired by my confirmation service.

Dear mascara,
I hate you. I hate that I always forget I'm wearing you and then I rub my eye and suddenly have black all over my face. I hate that you make me look like a porcelain doll. Actually, I hate the ancient societal rules that dictate how women are supposed to look, and I hate the new societal rules that make every woman feel inferior for not looking like Heidi Klum.

Dear robe makers,
Is it your goal to make me look like a giant, flapping ghost? If so, you've accomplished it. You can retire now, and leave the robes the gospel singers.

Dear Kelly Clarkson,
You are amazing. My life would suck without your music to dance around to when I'm up at 7:30 on a Saturday morning to blow dry my hair for confirmation. Because of you I don't always hate the songs that get stuck in my head. Never again will I laugh at your weird outfits or occasional strange hair.

Dear adorable purple Steve Madden flats,
You are adorable, as previously noted. So why do you insist on giving me blisters, forcing my to cringe in pain every time I take a step? Is this because I bought you on sale? Why do you hate me so much? I hope you realize that treating me this way will get you nothing but a life of exhile in the back of my closet, next to the adorable flower print mary-janes that share your hatred of my feet.

Hey, kid in my confirmation class that I can't stand,
What did you just say? Did you really just say "shit"? Dude, you're on the bimah, in the middle of the service. The Torah is six feet away from you. You can't cuss when the Torah is that close. It can hear you. Actually, while we're on the subject, we ALL can hear you. Yup, dude, we can hear you cracking your water bottle in the middle of the service, and we can hear you groaning when the Rabbi comes to give you a hug after the confirmand blessing. If you were five years old, some serious time outs would be in order.

Dear Herd of Blog,
You are fun. I like writing my Textual Confessions of Delicious Ambiguity every Wednesday and sometimes on the weekends. I like that the five of us all have blogging in coming but are different in lots of other ways. I'm sorry you have few readers; I'm sure you'll get more soon.
(Okay, that was obvious and tactless. But we'd love it if you'd follow us.)
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What I Did This Weekend: A List

The only bad thing about three-day-weekends is having to go back to school on Tuesday morning. To describe mine, I'm taking the easy way out. Here's a list.

This weekend, I:
- Watched the pilot episode of the original "Beverly Hills, 90210" and was severely mentally damaged by what was considered fashionable in 1990.
- Sat through the movie "Undiscovered" on youtube and actually smiled at it.
- Introduced my sister's best friend to Heath Ledger through "10 Things I Hate About You" and then was forced to inform her of Heath's death.
- Made popcorn in the microwave for the first time.
- Went to the mall with my sister and her best friend. Bought two pairs of earrings and a purse and listened to sister and best friend speaking in British accents for two hours.
- Watched a marshmallow swell to abnormal size in the microwave but skillfully prevented it from exploding by turning the microwave off just in time.
- Bought pink plaid knock-off Raybans.
- Wrote a rhetorical precis on a part of Maimonides' "The Guide for the Perplexed." Managed to abstain from both *facepalm* and *headdesk*.
- Fell in love with Chris Pine and Zach Quinto simultaniously while watching this video.
- Came across this girl on youtube via MJ's twitter.
- Repeatedly wished I was at LeakyCon. Repeatedly drowned wishes by dancing around my room to wrock.
- Put away the books that were all over my room. Except for the Harry Potters. Because they stay.
- Read the first post on Herd of Blog: Textual Confessions of Delicious Ambiguity, the group blog in which I am Wednesday, starting this Wednesday. Yay!

Hope you had a good weekend as well.
:]
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Haiku Fail?

I'm going to blog
With haikus today. So please
enjoy it, it's hard.

That's five, seven, five,
in case you do not know, but
it won't rhyme - no time.

Sorry, I'm no Poe.
Not like Mr. Will Shakespeare.
We'll see how I do.

Wednesday*: Went to school.
State testing equals sad face.
Can't wait for summer.

90210**
Cried last night, Ade, Annie too.
I know it's not real.

But it's tough to watch
When it feels all too real. Know
What I mean, surely?

That's why we connect
With Harry Potter, Star Trek,
High School Musical.

We enjoy seeing
Others struggle with problems
That we have sometimes.

When it's not real it
Turns out alright in the end.
Too bad life does not.

Don't want to end on
A sad note, so here's a joke.
What's black and white and

And more than five words?
Any joke with a punch line.
Ah, well. One more try.

How many sophomores
Does it take to write a bunch
Of haikus and put

Them together to
Make a blog post? There, that's it,
That's the joke. Sorry.

Seems I'd better stick
To full-length posts from now on.
Twitter's hard enough.

Oh well, there's still Hank
Or John if you need a laugh.
Nanny nanny rich

Kid, FUNNY DOG! gets
Me every time. Oops, this has
Turned into an ode

To the VlogBrothers.
Don't worry, Maureen, you're cool
Too. Thanks for BEDA.***

Hope I didn't bore
You to sleep with my attempts
To write in new ways.

With that, good bye. Five,
Seven, five - not as easy
As it sounds. You try.

* I know it's not spelled
as five syllables but you
just have to say it.

** Numbers count as words.
They have sounds when you read them.
Just make lines look short.

*** Pronounced bee-da, in
case you were wondering. The
line still works MONKEY.
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November is kind of far away.

It's amazing to have this much free time, to be able to do whatever I want and not have to feel guilty about pushing off homework. I can't wait until summer.

I've been writing lately, something that I hope might last until NaNoWriMo so I can finish it up then. Unfortunately NaNoWriMo's a long way off.

Anyhow, it's a bunch of short narrative things, each between a third- and a half- page long. They're supposed to be memories from three periods of the narrator's life (right now called before, after, and now) and will hopefully pull together to tell some sort of story. I've been writing in present tense because I want it to come off sort of conversational, but I also think it might make the narrator sound a bit stupid, which she definitely isn't, so I need to work on that. The pieces don't really go in any sort of order because I'm not sectioning off the three parts; the first part is sort of introductory but the rest might be able to be switched around. I'm not sure.

Here are two bits. Any opinion on whether it would sound better in past tense? Or if it's crap and I should throw it away right now?


Alone in a Crowded Room – Then
Arielle giggles, pulling me across the room. “Loosen up,” she says, “this’ll be fun.” This isn’t going to be fun, though; this is not how I want to be spending my Saturday night. I bet I’m the only person in the room who’d rather be at home with her mother. Hell, I’d rather be studying, yet here I am.
Arielle downs her drink and dashes off, leaving the empty cup in my hand. I set hers on a table and clutch my own. I refuse to drink it, since it didn’t come to me in an unopened can. I wonder about leaving, just going home right now, when I see Danny come out of the kitchen. I can’t recall whose house this is – Bobby, I think. I wonder if they’re friends.
Danny sees me staring and walks toward me. “Hey,” he asks softly. “I was just thinking about leaving. Do you need a ride home?” I don’t know what to day, so I just nod. When we pull into his driveway, I mumble my thanks and get out of the car.
We get to our front doors at the same time. He nods at me and waits for me to go inside before he does. That’s Danny. I silently hope that he knows that he means more to me than a ride home.

Daisy Chains – Before
Lucky died yesterday, but Mom makes me go to school anyway. She thinks it’ll be good for me to be around people, but I don’t talk to anyone during recess, not even Danny. I just sit by myself on the grass and make chains out of dandelions. In my mind they are big, beautiful daisies.
Then we have to take a big math test, one that will help the teachers decide what math class to put us in for 6th grade. I can’t concentrate, though. All I can think of is Lucky and how she would bark at the mailman, and how her tail would wag whenever I’d feed her. Soon, my paper begins to blur. Across the desk, Danny sees me rubbing my eyes and angles his paper toward me.
I’m halfway done with the test and I know how to do the rest; Danny knows that. He never usually lets me copy his work. When we’re walking home and I ask him why he did today, he says that he doesn’t like seeing me cry.




Has it occurred to anyone that 50,000 is a lot of words? That's kind of a scary number.
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May 14 has come and gone

I am so unbelievably relieved right now.

I had a pretty fabulous day, all things considered. This morning I took the AP world history exam, which was extremely long. Technically I'm not allowed to talk about it, but I will say that it wasn't as hard as I expected. (That may be only because I was wearing my nerdfighter shirt for good luck.) Now I'm wondering what I'm going to do with my newfound freetime.

After the test we all left school and headed to Souplantation, where 12 of us ate way too much. (Don't worry, we didn't cut school. We were all excused, as advised by our AP world teacher.) Then I hung out at my friend Ellie's with Alison, Simone, Taylor, and Sharon, where we played Buzzword and Taboo and Sharon took random pictures with my camera.

When I got home at around 4:10, I discovered my sister locked in her room in a horrible mood. She's nearly 13 and she's allowed to have bad moods; I go through that all the time. She was fine by dinnertime but her best friend called about 10 minutes ago and she refused to talk, so I had to tell her friend that she'd already gone to bed. This kind of makes me feel bad about the fits I threw when I was her age. Sorry, Mom.

I do want to note how epically awesome this shirt is. I really, really, really want one but unfortunately they don't ship to the US. I actually saw it in a picture on the nerdfighter ning, which led me to the collab channel Nerds of a Feather. The girl who had the picture actually shows the shirt in this video. I think I may have to make my own so I can be a nerdosaurus too.

DFTBA, all.
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Brain Explosions

I've been trying to put off blogging until after the AP on Thursday so as to not distract myself, but since I'm not doing much studying right now anyway, it can't hurt. This may sound weird, but I'm more worried about the logistics of the test, like not bringing enough pencils, and my cell phone getting stolen when I leave it in my locker, than I am about the actual test.

I honestly feel like my head is getting bigger as I try and cram more and more knowledge into it - come Friday, everything world history related is getting thrown out. I don't know what good studying is going to do me right now. It's all little things that I can't remember, so even if I look all of them up right now, the chances of remembering all of them are pretty slim. I'm kind of to the point where I know what I know, and if I don't know it then I don't know it.

Plus we have state testing starting Thursday, so I'm missing the first bit of it. Meanwhile all of our teachers are trying to reteach everything they (attempted to) teach us during the year. No one is motivated to do well, though, becase the state tests don't do anything for us; they just make the school look good and earn money from Schwartzeneggar. I guess that's only good in the long run if it means they'll not have to cut as many teachers.

So basically I'm trying to retain everything I know about the history of the world, plus relearning everything I partly learned in geometry and chemistry this year. There's also french vocab to memorize and things to read for English and a LINK crew application to fill out, on which I have to articulate a reasonable answer to the question, "how do you view your role as a mentor to the incoming freshman class of 2013?" Would it be too blunt if I said that my role as a mentor to the freshman class of 2013 was a stepping stone to college?

This had better pay off in college. Or at least after college, when I get a good paying job and win a Nobel prize and marry the man of my dreams, who happens to resemble Milo Ventimiglia and has the voice of Landon Pigg, with a dash of Green-esque nerdiness thrown into the mix.