Part 2

Part 2

Here are all the things that you can't do.

You can't tell your friend that sometimes you wonder what she's thinking when she gets dressed in the morning. You can't tell your friend that sometimes you want her to just shut the hell up. You can't tell your friend that her essay makes no sense and isn't anywhere as good as yours.

You can't complain about your parents when you know that you have it so much better than anyone else. You can't admit to wondering what would happen if suddenly you just weren't here anymore, suddenly you did something so unlike yourself just to shock everyone. You can't say that you haven't had a crush on a guy in a long time because you've invented this fairy tale guy in your head who you're pretty sure doesn't exist at all.

You can't not do your homework, because that's not like you and that's just not what you do. You can't tell your friends just how much you worry that they don't like you. You can't tell them how much the words "you just don't understand" hurt, and you can't tell them that you're scared to death of being alone at school, at home, in life. You can't tell them that you're scared of failing and of not being able to do something right the first time and of not being able to communicate what you're thinking. Even though you know that everyone else is just as insecure as you, you can't let on that you are, because then everything will just crumble down around you.

And most of all you can't say that sometimes you just wish that that would happen, that everything would just fall apart, because then you could start again, do it all again, bypass all the not telling, not saying this time.