Through the woods we riiiiiiiiide

Through the woods we riiiiiiiiide

There is potentially some wrong with my brain, isn't that where they've traced depression to?  Something wrong with the chemical balance in my brain.  I don't know.  I don't know if I'm actually depressed.  I don't know anything right now, except that I'm sad and I cry too much and today I sat on the grass for 45 minutes and moved every few minutes as the sun moved.  I don't want to be in the shade anymore.  I don't want to be cold anymore.

Today I did something really risky and dumb and very un-Natasha-like, and I probably shouldn't have done it but it's too late now and for some reason I'm not worried about it, though I probably should be.  I should be working on one of my three papers right now.  I should be reading for Friday.  There are lots of things I should be doing.  That's what I hate most about this place.  There's always something not that I could be doing, but that I should be doing.  God, summer is so nice, why can't it be summer all the time?  Or always Friday.

Hold your horses now

Hold your horses now

I'm sitting in my new dorm room and feeling all nervous about this floor meeting that we're supposed to be having tonight at either 6:05 or 7:15 in either the south common room or the north common room, and I shouldn't feel like this, because I'm not a freshman and this isn't my first go here.  Ugh ugh ugh.  I haven't put anything up on my walls yet and I kind of like it like that, but usually I put up so much stuff that I feel like leaving the walls plain would almost be betraying past me.  Does that make any sense?  Of course not.

It's weird being back and I'm not ready to start class tomorrow and somehow I've started to feel like this isn't real life, like this is limbo between childhood and when actual real life actually really starts.  Every thing is so temporary here: my dorm room and my classes and it's all going to not be in my life a year from now, and that's such a strange feeling.  I'm listening to a song right now that I listened to in my room two days ago, and I'm not there any more, and isn't that weird?

So anyhow I'm terrified right now even though I know I shouldn't be and isn't it good that I'm not a freshman again?  That might've been the scaredest I've ever been.  Good God.