Here's a firm goodbye to yesterday and to the time I wasted

Here's a firm goodbye to yesterday and to the time I wasted

Last night I went to a concert and tomorrow begins my last week of classes, and remember last summer when I was lying awake at night thinking that there was no way I could do this?  But here I am and I'm doing this and still every night I'm lying awake thinking that there's no way I can do this for one more day.

This post is probably going to sound exactly like my last one because I have good days and bad days but the bad days are all the same and they all feel the same but I still cry all the same.  I think I've realized that I'm probably a shitty roommate and a not-so-great friend because I'm grumpy and I tell stupid jokes and I have weird ass taste in music and I say things like "weird ass."

Ugh.  I should go to sleep but it's 80 degrees out.  What the heck, Portland.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

There are two weeks of classes left and why do I always feel like I have a hum paper to write and a bio test to study for?  I am unhappy here, but I don't think it's here, as in this place, that I'm unhappy with.  It's this state of being, this sad, hateful, lonely state of being.  Sometimes I think that a boyfriend could make me happy even though I'm pretty sure that's not true because something in the back of my mind is telling me that I'd come to like him more than my friends and then he'd leave me and I wouldn't have any friends to go back to, because isn't that what always happens to girls with too many feelings?  And sometimes I think that I'm not sure I can do this, spend four years here in this place full of so much incomprehensible reading and these people who like to be naked in public and smoke too much pot and judge you for judging things like nakedness and smoking.

I wish someone would type me to sleep.  It's such a soothing noise.  I wonder if I'm alone in that.