On the broken radiator

On the broken radiator

There is snow outside my window and I laughed a lot tonight and things are good, except I haven't really figured out how to tell my roommate's boyfriend to gtfo because I want to go to sleep, and I haven't figured out how to dress for this weather or how to talk to people or what it means when someone speaks to me directly by name even though I've barely spoken to them before.

And also I want a boyfriend but I'm not sure why, and I think it might be because my roommate has one and I feel like she's slipping away from me a tiny bit every day, and because I don't know how to act around him, and because I don't have to impress him but I want someone of my own to impress, and because I don't want someone who is nice to me all the time but someone who is kind to me and interested in me and wants to spend time with me and is okay with who I am.

So really I'm at that point again where things are settling and I really just want something to happen, I guess.

Forget what we're told before we get too old

Forget what we're told before we get too old

I just wrote an entire post and then decided not to post it because I guess what it all comes down too is that it's cold out and there's static in the air and I can't deal with being teased, because I don't like being misconceived.  I am firm in my thoughts and in my opinions and I don't like when someone starts questioning what I know that I believe and what I know makes me happy just because it doesn't make them happy too.  I hate that I am still awake even though I should've gone to bed already, and I hate that I let what other people think get to me even though I try, try, try not to let it.

I was in a decent mood two hours ago and now I'm just annoyed, and really damn cold, and those make for horrible conditions under which to blog, because moods pass but no one understands that, and things change and the weather changes every other minute but no one ever gets used to it.  This week is feeling really long, and this whole next month is feeling really long and it hasn't even started yet.  Maybe I'll edit my open letter and post it tomorrow, and maybe I'll change my url again and not tell anyone this time, because I'm tired of being judged and shoved into a labeled filing drawer in someone else's head.