And I don't know why

And I don't know why

There's this poster of Mark Twain on the wall in my English class and from my seat I can see him staring at me out of the corners of his eyes.  Sometimes he looks angry and sometimes he looks like Dumbledore and sometimes, a lot of the time, he's looking at me like what I'm doing isn't really what I should be doing.  I've had a very strange week and things are changing and it's really bizarre to know that things are changing and to watch them change and be totally unresistant to it as opposed to looking back at how things have changed after the fact and regretting it. 

My new classes are strange and I don't think I like them but I'm not really sure yet, and I really want to graduate already, but that's not anything new.  I'm starting to get to this point of almost panic about next year, about being disappointed and so I'm trying to set myself up mentally for not getting everything that I want, because I know the chances and I know they're not great.  But there's still a part of me, a part that'll always be there, I guess, that still has faith that everything will work out perfectly exactly the way I want it.  That's a silly way to think, but I can't help but wonder how things would be if I didn't think that way once in a while.