Rant. It's been that sort of a week.

Rant. It's been that sort of a week.

Hello.

I arrived home today to discover this lovely thing waiting for me:



As you can hopefully tell by the face I'm making there, I was being sarcastic about the "lovely." "Their most REVEALING interview ever!" the cover screams at me. Actually, now that I'm sitting here staring at the magazine, I've decided to change the direction of my rant from the JoHos to teen magazines in general. Let's examine some attention-grabbers from the cover.

"How To Tell If He's A GOOD KISSER Just By Looking At Him." I'm actually slightly curious now. Does it have to do with the shoes he's wearing? The color of his hair? How clean his teeth are? Oh, nope. It has to do with dance moves, chapstick, not rushing, and chewing gum. Oh, sure, I can tell all of that just from looking at him, as I frequent dances where they hand out free chapstick and chewing gum slowly and methodically. That seems logical. (That was sarcasm.)

"17 ALERT: More Than 150,000 Girls Will Get Pregnant This Summer BY ACCIDENT." Then there's a little arrow with the words, "Could This Happen To YOU?" The artcile is titled, "The Secret Life of Pregnant Teenagers." It begins, "before you even graduate from high school, you or a girl you know will probably become pregnant." That's really encouraging - that's exactly what they should be telling us. You're going to get pregnant! It's inevitable! Then the article goes on to tell me that when I'm pregnant, since it's totally unavoidable, I will have to give up hanging out with my best friend all night, gossip sessions about guys at school, marathon shopping days, and my dreams for my future. I don't want to get into anything too controversial, but basically, I think it's horrible of Seventeen to assume that the only girls reading the magazine are the ones who are dumb enough to get pregnant.

And now I'm wondering what the chances are that those are the same girls who picked up this magazine at the grocery store just because it had the Jonas Brothers on the cover. Yes, they're cute. Yes, they have a few decent songs. But I can't imagine why anyone would want to date one of them - don't forget about how Joe broke up with Taylor Swift by text message, only to be spotted with Camilla Bell days later, not to mention the fact that pretty much the entire 20-and-under female population wants to date them. Do you really want to be with a guy with that kind of fame, who can't go outside without being photgraphed or trampled, who lives on a bus half the time and therefore probably disregards his personal hygenine, who wears pink t-shirts? I don't care what they say, real men do not wear pink. (Feel free to disagree with me on that, but you can't change my mind.)

I haven't even adressed the fact that the Jonas Brothers are BOYS. As in, they are not girls between the ages of 13 and 21, Seventeen's target audience. Maybe they can attract that type of audience, but the people featured on covers of teen magazines should be people you can admire and look up to and what to emulate. I don't know about you, but I definitely do not want to be a Jonas Brother.

I suppose, though, that it's preferable to have all the girls of the world crushing on the Jonas Brothers* as opposed to Edward Cullen. At least they're real.

One more thing, before I return to my history studying.



That pretty much begged for a face replaced.
Please note that the stack of magazines you can see on the floor behind me is not because I save them all. Why would I do that? I don't have a shelf full of magazines in my closet, no way!)

* It just occured to me that that is the most UNCREATIVE band name in the history of band names. They might as well have called themselves the Brown Haired Boys, or the We Wish We Were As Cool As The Beatles (referred to by fans as WWWWACATB).**
** I just attempted to pronounce that acronym. Now you try.***
*** Are you thinking of wasabi? Cause I am.