Go on, film the world before it happens

Go on, film the world before it happens

Today/tonight/last night I've been think about death in the middle of summer and the cruelty of war and the way droplets of Febreeze stick to your legs if you walk through a room right after you spray it and the parts of ourselves that we insist on keeping hidden from everyone.  I've been thinking about being eleven years old and how when I was eleven years old, I thought I was invincible, at the point where things can only get more exciting.  But now eleven seems so young, so naive and now I'm at this point where I'm sitting here with my laptop burning my legs, thinking that "Northern Downpour" by Panic at the Disco is one of the sweetest songs I've ever heard.

I have no idea what to say now.  My head is full of all these things that I haven't done and want to do, things I want to experience and feel and learn, and of course there's this lingering fear of what if I can't?  I'm not sure if I believe in God but I think I believe in fate and maybe the idea of fate working against you, of circumstances that aren't in your favor, of luck and unluckiness and the possibilities of what if?  I'm afraid of boxing myself in somewhere and then getting stuck when I change my mind and decide that it's not what I want anymore.  I think I'm running out of get-out-of-jail-free cards when it comes to changing my mind.