Your hair your eyes your old levis

Your hair your eyes your old levis

I have absolutely no idea what the heck is going on with anything right now.  I can't keep straight who my friends are and who doesn't know my name.  Someone I thought didn't know my name asked me if I was feeling better today, and the other day someone I thought I talked with fairly often didn't realize I was sick.  Hello, I sit next to you and I've been coughing all week?  People are constantly surprising me.  I guess that's part of the fun of it all, though, isn't it?  Never knowing what to expect.  But that terrifies me so much.  I was trying to explain to M why people scare me so much... and I just can't.  It's not like agoraphobia or anything as intense as that.  It's just, I'm so afraid of people taking me the wrong way, of people not imagining me complexly.  But who can blame them, when I have so much trouble imaging them complexly?

This afternoon I spent five minutes trying to find the question mark on my new phone's keyboard.  I feel like that's my life lately.  I've never felt so completely confused so often as lately.  I'm not overwhelmed exactly, but just a bit directionless.  I feel like I'm just biding my time. 

I guess, to put it bluntly, I want to change - who I am and who I am close to and what I do and how I feel and all of that - and I feel like I'm stuck in this place where I can't do that.  God, I want it to be next year so badly.  I just want to get out of here.

Who are you?  Tell me please, and tell me why you've read this far.  If you have.  But I'm content to be alone - which is something that no one ever seems to be able to understand.  Or maybe I just can't explain it.