Then you hold your breath and count to nine

Then you hold your breath and count to nine

My house is infested with mosquitos-or-mayflies.  It's like that scene from "Jamanji" where all the bugs start flying out of the woodwork and there are so many you can't keep track of them.  We just spent nearly an hour running all over the house with the vacuum cleaner house attempting to suck them up.  My sister stood in the hallway for a half-hour waiting for my mom to find one in her room.  And meanwhile my dad stood off to the side and laughed while his wife, daughter, and few remaining birthday party guests attempted to cleanse his house of giant winged things.

When I was younger, I was genuinely afraid that my dad was an alcoholic.  I was also afraid that he abused my mom, and I always thought they were about to announce their divorce to my sister and I.  There was absolutely nothing in either of my parents' actions to suggest that either one of them was an alcoholic or a spousal abuser - but I was scared anyway.  I read too many books as a child, watched too many tv shows.  I always thought there was something wrong with my family because we weren't dysfunctional.  I know now that that's ridiculous, of course - but when you're 10 years old and you see your parents arguing, or your dad drinking wine every night at dinner, everything is magnified.  It all becomes so much more than it is.

I also went through this phase where I hated going out to dinner with my family because I knew my dad always liked to get a drink with his meal.  I was so, so scared to get in the car with him to go home afterward.  Now I've realized that my dad is an amazing driver, and he also has a very strong sense of whether or not he should be driving.  But I've always been the one who worries, who expects the worst.  Who doubts people.

But I've also learned that my instincts tend to be right.  Maybe not in the case of my father and his drinking habits or lack thereof - but in other cases.  I can't decide, though, if it's better to guess right and have your suspicions confirmed, or be the last one to know.

Also, to my future husband:  if you're not fearless in the face of bugs, I'm not marrying you.